#1846
Gasp! Could it be?
Date: 01/14/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
An rp response??????????????
'Tis, my friends
************************************************************
When last we left our reality (in the rp, anyway), 42 and her faithful Cow...
42: Hey shutup, he's not mine.
Cow: She's just in denial.
Hey, stop interrupting the narration. Anyway, they were still tied up together, and just found out that "Rickey" wasn't who he said he was...
Cow: Moortimooer. (cracks up laughing)
Hey, I'm warning you!
Cow: Oooh, Mooster Big Shot Narrator, warning mooe?
Do you want to get untied or not?
42: YES.
Cow: What's the rush?
Let's just get on with the story, okay?
************************************************************
Cow: Knock, knock?
42: No.
Cow: C'moon.
42: You've been going at this for hours.
Cow: Yeah, and if you weren't so uptight, we could've been going at other things for hours.
42: *sigh* Who's there?
Cow: Imoopatient cow.
42: *sigh* Impatient C...
Cow: MOO! Ha! I love that one.
42: Really?! I didn't know that. You've only said that one some 527 times.
Cow: You counted?
42: No, I lost count after 527.
(Cara walks by)
42: Hey, Cara!
Cara: Hi, 42. Look I'm flattered, really, but I'm spoken for.
42: Oh, shutup and untie me.
Cow: And mooe, you know, if you got a second.
Cara: Well, what happened to my Rimmi?
42: She vanished. Completely.
Cara: She left me?
42: Oh, that's not what I said and you-
(Cara starts crying)
Cara (between tears): Just when *sniff* I thought we were getting somewhere. *sniff* Who was it?
42: It wasn't a who.
Cara: It was that Lita, wasn't it?
42: Lita's not a...for that matter, Rimmer's not...
Cara: So, it's true! You just admitteed it! It's Lita and Rimmer, now.
42: What part of "not" don't you understand?
Cara: All right *sniff*, I'll untie you, but you can tell Rimmi that we are over. *sniff*
Cow: Oh, and you were such a happy couple.
(Cara unties 42 and Cow)
42: There. Now give me that rope. I have to go catch Mortimer. I think.
Cara: No. Give me that rope. If Rimmi doesn't want me, no one can have me.
42: I don't have time for this.
Cow: Yeah, we do. Mooickey isn't here. And it's Mooickey we're trying to protect...for...somooe...strange...reason. It is?
42: Fine. Cara, you have you're whole life in front of you. I'm sure you'll find a caring woman who shares many interests with you.
Cow: Ooooh, and mooake sure she likes womooen.
42: Shutup, Co...actually, that's a good idea. You might want to think about that next time.
Cow: Because last timooe you left it out.
Cara: I refuse to believe you. Give me the rope.
Cow: Can you believe Rimmooer dumped her?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
42 and Cow...those crazy kids...
#1847
The latest RP installment
Date: 01/14/2002
From: Carmelita9000
As only I can write it......................................
And it's about time too! The Duh's idiocy delayed me quite a bit. Bite me, high volume!
***
<At Zeal's Palace>
Rimmer: So, what do we do next?
PM: Well, I guess we need to go find the Mammon Machine.
Mickey: What's *croak* a Mammon Machine?
PM: Oh, it's this big evil thing that focuses all kinds of magic energy! For evil! The people around here kind of worship it.
Lita: It's not evil, Phafafgrghslagsaj. It's just being used for evil right now.
Rimmer: Are you sure?
Lita: No. Actually, I haven't played this game for a while. I don't remember. But I already visited the Mammon Machine.
Tork: You did?
Lita: Yep. While you guys weren't looking. Powered up my magic pendant and everything.
Mickey: You have *croak* a magic pendant?
Lita: Yes. I've had it ever since we started the whole Chrono Trigger leg of the rp. But I only mentioned it once, at the very beginning.
Rimmer: You know, in the time it took you to write all about why you don't have to go power up your pendant so that you wouldn't have to write the scene, you could have just written the scene.
EM: What scene? What are you guys talking about?
Lita: Girl stuff. You wouldn't be interested.
EM: Oh. All right then.
Lita: <whispering> Rimmi! Watch how you talk around Evil Mike! He doesn't know he's a fictional character!
Rimmi: Oh yeah! Sorry! I keep forgetting!
<Yeah, me too. Oops.>
Tork: I guess it's time to go talk to Queen Zeal then?
<Using Lita's newly powered up Magic Pendant, the group passes through several locked doors and gets to Queen Zeal's Throne Room. And sitting in Zeal's throne is… Huh?>
Everybody: manosgirl?
mg: Sure. Why not? You guys were running out of people to make into Chrono Trigger characters. So this is what happens.
Rimmer: So you're the *evil* Queen Zeal?
mg: Hey, somebody's got to do it. Besides, I thought it would be good practice for when I eventually overthrow Lita and become Queen Bitch.
Lita: That's never happening! That's the problem with you new bitches, you get all kinds of stupid ideas. You better quit trying to steal my crown before I kick your sorry ass.
mg: *sniff* I'm sorry! I was just trying to make conversation!
Mickey: So what *ribbit* happens now?
mg: I'm actually not quite sure. I'm not very familiar with the game.
Rimmer: You're not?
mg: Apparently not.
Rimmer: Lita, how do you know she doesn't know about Chrono Trigger? It's possible she plays it all the time.
Lita: I don't know. I'm guessing.
EM: What, are you two deaf or just stupid? She just said she doesn't know.
Lita: *sigh* Gee, you're right, Evil Mike. What could we have been thinking?
EM: Not much, I'll tell you that.
Lita: Ok, manosgirl. Here's what I'm going to do.
<Lita pulls out her old Chrono Trigger Strategy Guide>
Lita: This is what I've been using to help remind me what happens in the game so far. It's not very detailed, but it's better than nothing.
PM; So *that's* why our continuity is so screwed up!
Lita: No, that's your fault.
<Lita tosses the guide over to manosgirl, who flips through it.>
mg: Ok, so apparently I have this daughter who has all kinds of magic powers, and I'm exploiting her.
PM: That would be Sunshine, yes.
mg: And you guys are here to try to rescue Sunshine.
Lita: We are? Crud! I don't want to do that! I hate Sunshine!
mg: So this is the part where I call out my trusted henchperson, Dalton, to get rid of you guys, and stop you from foiling my evil plan.
Tork: Sounds about right.
mg: Dalton! Get in here!
<Dalton zooms in from the shadows. She's sitting in an office chair.>
Mickey: Hey! *croak* That's my chair!
Dalton: Frogs don't need chairs.
gramps: You're not Dalton! You're wurwolf!
wurwolf: Sure am. Kind of pisses me off that I have to be the henchwoman though… Lita!
Lita: *shrugs* That was the only part left. That eyepatch suits you though.
wurwolf: Shut up, Bitch.
gramps: Makes you look like a pirate!
wurwolf: You can shut up too, gimp.
Lita: Tee hee! She's all like, "Ahoy, me mateys!"
wurwolf: I told you to shut up!
gramps: Yeah! What are you going to do? Make us swab the deck?
wurwolf: Look, I don't have to be in this rp, you know. I don't even like rp. I can go do something else.
Lita: *giggle* Where's your parrot? Did he fly away?
wurwolf: I'm not a pirate!
gramps: Can we see your peg leg?
wurwolf: Argh!
Lita: I think you meant to say, "Arrrrr!!!"
<Lita and gramps collapse into a fit of giggles. Everybody else seems pretty bored by the conversation.>
mg: All right. Now that that's out of the way, I guess wurwolf is supposed call in a big stupid monster to come kill you all.
wurwolf: Sounds good to me.
mg: Actually, it sounds pretty boring to me. So I have a better idea.
PM: And what is that, exactly?
mg: Ok, everybody line up on the far side of the wall. Not you, wurwolf, you're on my side, remember? Ok. You all ready? Good. Now…. Green Light!
<Nothing happens>
mg: Come on! Green Light!
<Nothing continues to happen. There are general looks of confusion on everybody's faces.>
mg: Haven't you guys ever played Red Light/Green Light before?
Lita: Ugh… is that what we're doing?
mg: Shut up! It's a good game! Anybody who moves after I say Red Light is out. If all of you get called out, then I win. But if one of you makes it to my throne without being called out, then you win. Simple huh?
wurwolf: Hey, don't they have to do something goofy when you call Yellow Light?
mg: Yeah. That's right.
<We'll have to find out what that goofy thing is later though, because I've hit the five page mark, and that's entirely too long. So, until next time, so long!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Writer of overly long rp chapters
hopes neither of the new rp characters mind being in the rp,
since she didn't ask permission or anything…
(I guess we could always change them
to other characters if they want us to)
#1848
[PM] Must... get... through!
Date: 01/14/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Stupid Duh! Mode>>>
[PM] Must... transmit... coordinates for... MSTBlanca... before... Duh... shuts me out... again...
http://www.tripod.lycos.com/service/conferencing/show/personal/13481248
[PM] Hope... everyone... got that...
[Nabut] Why are you talking like Shatner?
[PM] Oh, forget it! Dang, try to be dramatic, and look what it gets you...
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
#1849
stupid MSTblanca
Date: 01/14/2002
From: Tork_110
This isn't funny, Pharaoh Manboobs! Let me in.
Tripod's Bug Zappers? The heck?
What is this? The NO Tork club?!
#1850
It happened to me too Tork.
Date: 01/14/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
I registered with Tripod and everything, like they said I had to. And then when I wanted to go in, they said I had to *kindly* ask permission from PM to get in. And I tried twice, and both times I got an error message. So I guess it's the No Tork and No Lita Club.
Hey, PM! Can I join your club? Can I, can I, can I? If you want, I can wear a clever disguise so that nobody will know I'm Lita! <starts to cry> Come on! Don't be mean! I wanna join!!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
admits she could have been kinder
in asking permission.
Was that the problem?
#1851
So now I know I'm not the only one.
Date: 01/14/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
No Homers, we're allowed to have one.
I emailed him, which I guess was kind of poinless now that I know I'm not the only one. At least I know I didn't screw up trying to get in (Hey, I'm dumb!). Maybe someone sent small animals to the MSTBlanca, and well, you know the rest.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
I never get invited to join any clubs.
#1852
Too bad PM doesn't have a game anymore.
Date: 01/14/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Because then we could go over there right now and wreck it!
Maybe we should just be really nice to him until he lets us into his new bboard, and then we can go over there and wreck it!
Tee-hee!
Lita
Queen Bitch
etc...
hasn't learned her lesson,
it seems.
#1853
I can't get in, either.
Date: 01/15/2002
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<
I did e-mail PM, though. Maybe we can join his secret society now! Mysterious!!!
gramps!
It's my anniversary!
#1854
well, now I'm worried,
Date: 01/15/2002
From: manosgirl
I gave them all that information and everything. Are they gonna spew it all over the world? Aaaaargh!
Hey, PM, what's going on?
manosgirl
RED LIGHT!
#1855
Okay, here's the deal...
Date: 01/15/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<OOC>>>
...as far as I can tell. I tried to set up MSTBlanca as a public BBoard, but TriFraud seems to think that it's a private board. I'm going to try to get it working one way or another this morning; if as a public bboard, then great. If as a private, I'll figure out a way to email you whatever info you need to get in.
I'm really sorry about the inconvenience!!!
The repentant Pharaoh Mobius
Sarcophagus!
#1856
whoo hoo!
Date: 01/15/2002
From: Tork_110
I got MSTblanca firsties!!
#1857
As Tork said, MSTBlanca is up!!!
Date: 01/15/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<OOC Again>>>
Well, I got it set up as a Bravenet Forum. TriFraud's free board was pissing me off too much, so I ditched it. I'm crazy like that!!! Come on over and take a look, why don'tcha?!?!?!
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
#1858
Oh yeah, BTW...
Date: 01/15/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Addendum Mode>>>
I never got any of the emails that people said they sent me. Which address did y'all send 'em to?
Now, I'm worried!
TmPM
S!
#1859
I don't know *sniff*
Date: 01/15/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
I just used the link on your contact page.
You mean to tell me there's another PM running around with my email address?
Oh well. At least now you won't know how stupid I am.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Stupid.
#1860
I still can't get in. :(
Date: 01/15/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
Can you invite me through my e-mail in some way?
#1861
It's all diffurnt now, Rimmi.
Date: 01/15/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Go back to the TFTD front page. There's a new link there that should work. The guys are all hiding from you already!
: )
Lita
#1862
I'm still not getting in.
Date: 01/15/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
Explain how to get in again. I'm not getting anything to work.
Did anyone see Angel last night? It reminded me of how many times we've seen vampire mistakes in the show. I won't spoil anything but they replayed the scene in the Angel pilot where Angel and Cordelia meet in Los Angeles. I remember in that ep some guy was taping the party and because Angel's a vampire he never showed up in the tape. BUT in another episode of Buffy Spike is having Buffy taped so he can learn her fighting style. How come the vampires showed up on his tape? Did he have a better quality than the multibillionaire vampire on Angel?
And if they can't be video taped then how come they can be photographed. We've seen pictures of both Angel and Drusilla and I believe the one of Angel was from a surveilence camera.
Spike doesn't have a reflection in a mirror but when he stands in front of the glass cupboards in Giles' appartment we can see the back of his head. And when Angel goes to visit false shamans who live next to the lake why can we see Angel's reflection in that lake? Hmmmm?
And this one may not be a mistake but how long did Angel stay in that Hell universe? Giles said 100 years but that may have been a guess but whenever they give Angel's age they never count the extra years he may have spent there.
#1863
Red Light/Green Light!
Date: 01/15/2002
From: Carmelita9000
rp.........................................................
<When we last had an rp chapter, the Evil Queen manosgirl and her 2nd in command, wurwolf, were forcing our heroes to participate in a game of Red Light/Green Light… to the death!!!>
mg: Green Light!
<Everybody starts running toward the throne>
mg: Red Light!
<Everybody freezes as fast as they can.>
wurwolf: Mickey! I saw you keep moving! You're out!
Mickey: I object! She called Red Light while I was in mid-hop!
mg: It still counts. You're out.
Mickey: I can't turn off gravity, for crying out loud!
wurwolf: Oh, I think you can turn anybody off without much trouble.
Mickey: Hey!
EM: That was pretty good. Why didn't I think of that?
<Mickey trudges to the sideline and sits on the Out Bench.>
Lita: <whispering to gramps while she laughs and poins at wurwolf> She's all like, "Avast, me hearties!" *giggle*
gramps: <also whispering> Yeah! I think I just heard her say something about swabbing the poop deck!
Lita & gramps: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!1!!!1!!
wurwolf: Hey! You guys are laughing at my eye-patch again, aren't you?
Lita: I just always wondered why so many pirates have a lazy eye. Yo-ho-ho!
gramps: And a bottle of rum!
wurwolf: You are so out. <Lita and gramps head over to the Out Bench.> Geez. I'm not even dressed like a pirate. It's just an eye-patch.
mg: <she's filing her nails, and not paying attention to the players> Who's left, wurwolf?
wurwolf: Just Evil Mike, Phafarfloofafhat, Rimmi, and Tork. They're all tied for first.
Rimmer: No, were not!
wurwolf: Huh? D'oh! I get no depth perception with this thing! <wurwolf lifts up her eye-patch, and looks again> Rimmi is in front, and Tork is in last place… and Evil Mike is wandering off to the sidelines and flexing his muscles for Lita.
Evil Mike: Hey, Baby. Check this out. *flex* *flex* *flex*
Lita: *giggle* Oh, Evil Mike!!! Do that second one again!!! <Evil Mike does the second one again> *giggle* Yay!!! *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*
mg: You're out, Evil Mike. And quit doing that. It's disturbing.
wurwolf: Oh. There it is. Evil Mike's giving us the "I'm #1" sign.
mg: <glances in his direction> Hey! He's using the wrong finger! Hmph! And Yellow Light!
<The players sigh heavily, then start doing a jig while singing Dixie.>
mg: Tork! You aren't singing! What's the problem?
Tork: I don't know the words!
wurwolf: You're out!
Tork: Aww…
mg: Red Light! GreenLightRedLight!
wurwolf: Phfashgkljiskjfhogkjsijlfjda, you moved!
PM: Did not!
wurwolf: Did too!
PM: Did not!
<wurwolf walks over to PM and pushes him over>
wurwolf: Now you did. You're out!
<Wanders off to the sidelines, muttering.>
mg: Well, Rimmer, it appears that you are the final contestant.
Rimmer: Yes. I am. See, you underestimated my Red Light/Green Light playing ability. When I was only 7 years old, I was already winning all the Red Light/Green Light games at my local elementary school. My teacher saw my talent immediately. Soon I was winning local Red Light/Green Light tournaments, then state championships. By the time I was 11, I was the Red Light/Green Light Champion of the USA, and then The World!
mg: Well, now you're the Retired Red Light/Green Light Champion of the World, you just lost! While you were talking, I called Yellow Light, and you didn't dance!
Rimmer: You didn't call Yellow Light!
mg: Yes I did.
Rimmer: Ugh. Fine.
<She turns and starts to walk to the sideline>
mg: Ha! I lied! We were still on Red Light, and you just moved! Ha Ha! I win!!!
Rimmer: AAAGH!!! I can't believe I fell for that! That so pisses me off!
wurwolf: We've beaten them. What do we do with them now?
mg: Eh, throw them in the Mammon Machine.
wurwolf: Will that kill them?
mg: I don't know. Probably. Eventually. Oh, and while you're doing that, tell the Prophet that I want my I-Ching read.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
got hardly any lines in this part.
There's something wrong with that!
#1864
Okay. I'm in now. But read my last reply
Date: 01/15/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
anyway. nt
#1865
I'm not in either *sniff*
Date: 01/15/2002
From: manosgirl
I guess I'll just sit over here and play with my I Ching...
Hey Rimmer, I noticed that too. Did you ever notice, on Buffy, when they're being attacked by the Shumash(sp?) Tribe at Giles' and they've got Spike tied to a chair, that when the indians shoot him with arrows, he isn't dusted? Spike just sits there with a whole bunch of arrows sticking out of him. We watched that, and we're like, "why isn't Spike dead now?"
Oh well, I love it anyway. It sure beats the hell out of, ugh, Friends.
manosgirl
allllll aloooone
fsm...
#1866
HEY! I'm nobody's henchperson!
Date: 01/15/2002
From: wurwolf
And I'm not a pirate! Well, not too often. Sometimes I like to be a pirate. But that's private! I'm a private pirate!
I am not making one lick of sense.....
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#1867
If it makes you feel better, wulfie...
Date: 01/15/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
You're probably just kissing up to manosgirl now so that she'll trust you and be really unsuspecting when you bump her off at a later date and take over her kingdom. It happens all the time.
But if you *really* don't want to be in the rp, I guess we could replace you with a Lita clone. Maybe 3000 has a gap in her schedule. She could play an evil person. She never liked me much.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1868
PM's new board kicks ass!
Date: 01/15/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
There's a spel chk and everthing.
(Mickey runs up to one of the people who run the Duh, and steals their car keys)
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Watched Angel last night, and did fine, except for this nagging thought of who THAT guy was.
#1869
I don't mind if you write me in, Lita.
Date: 01/15/2002
From: wurwolf
I'm laughing my head off while I'm reading it, so it's A-Ok with me. I was just kidding.
But not about the pirate thing.
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#1870
manosgirl,
Date: 01/15/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Are you following the new link? PM updated his Tales From the Duh page with a new and different link, since it's a new and different bboard. Are you using the new link and not getting in?
And wurwolf, how do you do that!? You wrote a reply with no text in that stupid reply-spoiler-first-line-giving-away box! Hmmm, looks like voodoo to me.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1871
Mortimer: I'll show them all!
Date: 01/16/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
RP (as if Mortimer was a part of reality)
(Mortimer's been running for days. He's currently somewhere that's not Europe and he's just stumbled upon the secret entrance of G.R>O.P.E.'s and Diaboliks old hideout-technically, it's still G.R.O.P.E.'s hideout. They never moved out (and neither did Diabolik, apparantly). They just seem to have been not using it lately, or they just forgot about it. It's possible, because they also forgot about...)
Buffalo: NabMickey!!! Finally, aftur all these weeks!
(Continuity note: Sure we didn't write bringing him back, but we were so hung up on keeping him hostage, so it happened without being written, ok?)
Mortimer: Who the hell are you?
Buffalo: Now that's not funny, NabMickey! Last I saw you guys, you brought me back from the bosses Christmas party. (See?) Cupcake II said to stay here, and you never came back. And it's mah birthday today, too.
Mortimer: Well, happy birthday, but...
Buffalo: Say, when'd you grow that great goatee?
Mortimer: You like it?
Buffalo: Sure.
Mortimer: Hey, you seem like a great guy. I'll get you down from there.
Buffalo: NabMickey, you're a great friend.
Mortimer: The names Rickey, Mickey's EVIL TWIN BROTHER®.
Buffalo: Well, Rickey, Mickey's EVIL TWIN BROTHER®, I think we're gonna be great friends.
(Mortimer and Buffalo leave the hideout)
Diabolik: Mmmmmmph! Mmmmmmmph! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmpph!
(Translation: What about me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Thought it was about time we got Buffalo back in the rp, it is his birthday, after all.
#1872
Awesome! This post is still going strong
Date: 01/16/2002
From: Yalu
I'm so proud of you all for continuing this. Such dedication! Maybe I'll stick around and contribute some.
Yalu
#1873
Maybe if you're nice to me, Lita....
Date: 01/16/2002
From: wurwolf
I'll tell you how it's done. Until then......
MWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHA!!! HA!
Oh, and AAAAARRRR!
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#1874
(Mickey starts to cry)
Date: 01/16/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
<<<semi ooc mode>>>
Lita: What's wrong?
Mickey: *sniff* I'm just so sad about what happened to Buffy last night.
Rimmer: Uh, Mickey? Those were repeats.
Mickey: Well *sniff* It's still sad.
Lita: She comes back.
Mickey: Really? *sniff* Okay, I'm better now. Heyyyy...
Rimmer: What?
Mickey: A lot of stuff on last nights repeats seemed awfully familliar.
Lita: Um...no it didn't.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Overemotional.
#1875
[Mickey] What are they *ribbit* doing?
Date: 01/16/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<SNES Mode>>>
[The party is being lowered into the evil Mammon Machine, which is evilly pulsing with an evil red evil light.]
[Tork] They're putting us into the Mammon Machine.
[Mickey] Oh. [Thinks a minute.] What *croak* does it do?
[Lita] It channels the energy of Lavos, who lies deep underground, draining the planet of its very lifeforce.
[Mickey] So being *ribbit* lowered into it *croak* is a bad thing?
[Rimmi] Well some people might think so, but I'm of the opinion that it'll be FUN!
[Mickey] Oh, well that's *ribbit* all right then.
[Cave Rimmer] I keep telling you, frogs don't get sarcasm.
[PM] If only we had a weapon made of dreamstone! We could use it to destroy the Mammon Machine and escape!
[Mickey] What's *ribbit* dreamstone?
[Lita] It's a magical red rock from the dawn of time. They used it to make my magic pendant, and your Massamune sword.
[Mickey] Then why can't we use my *croak* sword?
[PM] It doesn't work that way. The dreamstone's got to be pure and unrefined for it to work on the Mammon Machine.
[Tork] Yeah, a shard of purest dreamstone is the only thing that would work.
[Mickey] You mean *croak* like a red *ribbit* stone dagger?
[PM] Yes, exactly! If only we had one...
[Mickey] No! I *ribbit* mean like THIS *croak* red stone dagger?!?
[Rimmi] Where on earth did you get *that*?!?
[Mickey] That one *croak* old guy gave it to me earlier for *ribbit* teaching him to summon a giant *croak* frog.
[Everyone stares at Mickey.]
[Mickey] Hey, he asked *croak* if I knew how to *ribbit* do it, and I did! It's *ribbit* not like I've got much cause to *croak* use that skill, you *ribbit* know!
[The group is now nearly entirely drawn into the Mammon Machine.]
[Lita] Umm, Mickey...
[Mickey] What?!?
[Lita] Have you considered DOING SOMETHING WITH THE RED DAGGER?!?!?
[Mickey] *croak* Hunh?
[PM] Give me that! [He snatches the dagger away from Mickey and throws it at the Mammon Machine. It sticks into the infernal device, and changes to look like Mickey's sword!]
[Disembodied Voice #1] Well, it's time! Are you ready, WurMassa?
[Disembodied Voice #2] Ready, SchmoeMune!
[The new Massamune glows brightly, and so does the Mammon Machine. They flare to blinding brilliance, then disappear slowly.]
[Disembodied Voice #1] I'm the wind! FW!!!
[Disembodied Voice #2] FS!!!
[The voices fade out entirely.]
[Tork] Cool! Now what do we--
[Terrible shrieking fills the air. Manosgirl and Wurwolf appear again, and manosgirl is thoroughly pissed!]
[manosgirl] You fools! You think you can stand up against the mighty Lavos? You don't know what you're dealing with! Let's see what yo--
[Lita] Hey! Is that *my* Bitch crown you're wearing?
[manosgirl] I don't know what you're talking about! This one was appointed to me by the Council!
[Lita puts her own crown on.] That's impossible! The council can only appoint one Queen Bitch at a time, that that one is ME, sister!
[manosgirl] The council appoints a new Queen Bitch when the old one dies! And I'm the new Bitch on the block, girlfriend!
[Rimmi] Hold on a minute. Does this mean what I think it does?
[PM] I'm afraid so...
[Lita and manosgirl] What are you talking about?!? Hey! That's *my* line!!!
[Rimmi] That means that manosgirl is the equivalent of Kendra!
[Gramps (See! He's still in this RP! He's just been boozing this whole time! Ha ha! Look at the lush!)] Whozz??? Kn.. Kin... Canader? Who'ssh thatsh?!?!
[Lita] She's right! You're Kendra! The slayer-come-lately from Vampire Based Programming! Ha ha!
[manosgirl] I don' know what joor talkin' bout, chile. I en't no Kendra-beetch!
[Gramps] Missh Cleohrrer?
[Tork] Sounds like it to me.
[Mickey] Oh come *on* now, that's just a blatant rip-off, now!
[Lita, Rimmi, and PM laugh at how much manosgirl sounds like Kendra.]
[manosgirl] Enoof! I'm gon' finish joo all off once an' for all time, babes! [She gestures frantically, and a massive shadow looms behind her. A massive, spiny-looking shadow...]
[PM] Oh crap.
[Rimmi] Not good! Not good!
[Gramps] Ssschhllllhuhn?
[Lita] Eeep!
[Tork] Danger! Danger! Danger Will Robinson!
[Mickey] Hey! That looks like those porcupines we fought earlier on that mountain! Except instead of a hideous, gasping, three-part, fang-filled mouth, this one's got a face like... Bonnie Hammer?!?!?
[Each member of the party screams. Manosgirl laughs maniacally.]
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
#1876
VBP thoughts
Date: 01/16/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Vampire Based Mode>>>
I think I know why Spike could videotape vampires and the millionaire couldn't. It's due to a common phenomenon in the paranormal world.
You know how no government agency or national television crew has been able to photograph UFOs, but every backwoods hick has at least one blurry Polaroid of a flying saucer? It's the same deal! The more expensive the camera (or video equipment) is, less likely you are going to be able to photograph paranormal occurances (like UFOs and vampires) with them. It's just how it works! How do you think Angel gets past Wolfram and Hart's vampire alarms all the time? They spend too much money on security!
Oh, and as to the matter of being able to see the reflection of the back of Spike's head that one time? I'm not trying to spread viscious rumors or anything, but think of it this way: if a vampire were to wear a toupee, would the hairpiece be invisible as well? I'll let you draw your own conclusions...
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
#1877
<Lita is thinking hard>
Date: 01/16/2002
From: Carmelita9000
Think, think, think.........................................
Lita: So what happens now?
Tork: What do you mean?
Lita: Well, in the game that Lavos thing kills somebody, right?
PM: Right.
Lita: Didn't we already do that?
PM: Um… No?
Lita: Yes!!! And I, for one, am not going to go through a whole nother resurrection sequence!
Rimmi: I don't know. Those are kind of fun.
Lita: Let's just skip to the good part. LitaBot! Come here!
<LitaBot skips in happily and smiles at everybody.>
LitaBot: Hi, everybody! You're all my friends! There's a big monster over there! She's going to kill us! Yay for donuts!
PM: Didn't we leave her in your castle back in the Present?
Lita: This works on the same principle that allows you to bring back Cave Rimmer when she hasn't been around for the *longest* time. She didn't even play Red Light/Green Light with us.
PM: She didn't?
<Cave Rimmer shakes her head no>
PM: I knew that, I was just checking to see if you guys remembered.
Rimmer: You're going to kill that LitaBot that I went through all the trouble of making, aren't you?
gramps: Well, that was what she was built for in the first place, Whippersnapper. I'm still not sure why we used that clone to distract Mrs. Mo instead of RoboLita.
Lita: Hey, that's right! Which clone did you kill, by the way? I want to know how pissed off I should be.
Tork: Don't get mad! She wasn't one of the 9000!
Lita: She wasn't? I only have 9000 clones.
Rimmer: She wasn't… actually… really a clone.
Lita: Huh?
Mickey: The floaty guy *croak* who ran that booth at the *ribbit* Millennial Fair just called it a clone. *croak* I think he was just trying to be polite. *ribbit* Didn't want to be *ribbit* beheaded. Selling "clones" of the Princess Nadia sounds a lot better than what he was really *croak* selling.
Lita: I don't follow.
Tork: It was one of *those* kind of shops.
<Lita gives Tork a blank look>
EM: Boy, you idiots just don't know how to explain anything, do you? Lita, he sold us a blow up doll that looks like you.
Lita: Huh? <Realization finally takes hold> EWWWW!!!! That guy was selling blow up dolls of me?
PM: You are the Princess of Guardia. I guess he figured it'd be popular.
Lita: That is so creepy. Why did you have to tell me about that?
Tork: You asked.
EM: It was really cool. We should go back to that shop if we survive this.
Lita: Don't worry about that. Hey, LitaBot, why don't you go pet the big spiky monster?
LitaBot: Ok! Hi big scary lady monster thing!
<She pets Lavos/Bonnie Hammer. It makes a loud shrieking noise, gnashes its teeth, and then vaporizes the LitaBot.>
Rimmer: Crap! I liked that thing!
EM: <sadly> We all did.
<Lita glares at Evil Mike>
EM: <quickly> All of them did anyway, I didn't like her at all! Pleh on the LitaBot!
Lita: Anyway, now that Lavos has destroyed the decoy, we can make our daring escape!
Mickey: Cool! *croak* How?
Lita: I don't remember!
<The rest of the party groans.>
Tork: Why don't you just call Spidey?
Lita: Hey, yeah! <Lita pulls out her Spidey Whistle. Everybody except Lita (because she doesn't seem to need to) and manosgirl (because she doesn't know to) and Lavos/Hammer (because it has no arms or hands) covers their ears.> o/`TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!1!!!111!!11o/`
mg: Ack! That's loud!
<She falls off of Lavos's back, just as Spidey pulls up. As the party climbs into Spidey, Lavos starts gnawing on manosgirl's foot.>
mg: AIEEEEEE!!!1!!!1!!1
Lita: Oh no! Lavos is going to kill manosgirl!
EM: Good! She tried to kill us. Besides, it's fun to cause people's deaths!
Rimmer: No, Lita's right. We probably shouldn't leave her to die because--
Lita: LOOK, BITCH! JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MY MAN DOESN'T MEAN-- Oh! You agreed with me! Thanks! And sorry about yelling at you just now.
<Now that everybody has shoved their way to their respective spots in Spidey, Lita closes the door. Spidey carefully crawls around Lavos's various laser blasts, maneuvers into position next to manosgirl, and picks her up. The less said about that process, the better.>
manosgirl: Ack! It's that scary demon-spider thingie! EEEK! MMMPH!!! Oh! I'm in the back seat. Hello, everybody. It sure is crowded back here…
Rimmer: That's because Lita's such a bitch she won't let anybody sit in the front seat with her except Evil Mike.
Lita: Speaking of bitches…
<Lita reaches into the back and grabs manosgirl's Bitch Crown off her head and tosses it out the window. They see Lavos burn it to a cinder just before Spidey zooms away to safety.>
Lita: I'm the *only* Queen Bitch around here, and don't any of you forget it!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
thinks it sure was nice of Lavos
to wait around all that time
while we had our long conversation
instead of taking that golden opportunity
to kill us.
#1878
Hey lookey here!
Date: 01/17/2002
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<<
I'm replying! It's been about three days, I think. I've been so busy with Hello Dolly rehearsals that I haven't been able to come up with anything beneficial at all to the RP, or the response record, as a matter of fact.
I'll have something, just you wait!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
President of the Mr. T Fan Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
#1879
Buffalo: Now that!
Date: 01/17/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
That was the best damn birthday EVER.
Mortimer: I can't believe we were thrown out of Chuck E. Cheese.
Buffalo: Ah, ain't that bad. Ah still have mah pretty balloon.
Mortimer: Yeah, that is a pretty balloon.
************************************************************
(Meanwhile)
42: Cara, listen to me...you can't do this.
Cara: Who's stopping me?
42: Oh, I don't know...Hey, Cow, we need to talk for a minute.
Cow: Why don't you comooe over here. It's pretty damoon hard to walk on these legs, especially when you've been tied to a tree for a few days. You've had a chance to stretch.
42: Oh right. (Goes over) You got any ideas.
Cow: Well, she likes girls, you're the only girl here.
42: We already went through this you're a gir...OH YUCK! You're not trying to help at all!
Cow: Hey, it couldn't hurt.
42: Wanna bet?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Just getting us caught up in the real world. No plot furthering intended.
#1880
Summons the WOM*
Date: 01/17/2002
From: manosgirl
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>MG: girls! over here! now!
>a group of beautiful women in diaphanous clothing hurries over
>MG: Roxy, front and center! (manosgirl whispers something in Roxy's ear. Roxy stops, takes a long look at Cara, then nods her head)
> MG: Hey 42! Cow! I think I have the answer to your problem...
(of course I'm not sure if this fits in, but what the hey, I'll give it a whirl!)
manosgirl
Kendra, NOT, mon!
*Wives of Manos, what were YOU thinking?!
#1881
Hey, thanks!!!!
Date: 01/17/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
One plot poin out of the way
Of course, you're not part of that reality, but I'm sure someone will fix it. Don't ask, you're head will just explode.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
My head already exploded once in this rp. It wasn't pretty.
#1882
First post of the day!!!
Date: 01/17/2002
From: Carmelita9000
Well, my first post of the day..............................
<Having wisely run away crying from Lavos, the party has left the magical floating island of Zeal, and parked Spidey back on the frozen mainland. (I'm not sure how they got Spidey off the floating island, or even how he got up there in the first place. Presumably, he squoze himself into the tiny one-person transporter. It's probably better not to get too distracted by plot holes though… you'd never be able to read any of Mickey's replies if you did.)>
Mickey: *croak* Hey!!! <he glares at Lita>
Lita: What?
Mickey: I heard that, Lita! *ribbit*
Lita: Heard what?
Mickey: You just totally slammed me for no good reason! *croak*
Lita: No I didn't.
Mickey: *ribbit* You didn't?
Lita: No. That was the narrator, not me.
Mickey: Oh.
<Ha ha.>
Rimmer: So now that we're back down here, what do we do?
PM: I guess we could go check out those caves now.
<Lita and manosgirl both groan>
Lita: Aww, we don't want to go there. What is your sick obsession with those smelly old caves anyway?
mg: Yeah, there's nothing worth looking at there. It's just where I banish all the stupid idiots I don't like.
PM: You mean all the non-magic users.
mg: Yes, that's what I said.
Tork: <quietly> I don't use magic you know…
mg: <with interest> You don't?
Tork: No. Because I'm a robot.
Cave Rimmer: I can't use magic either. Apparently if you're born before magic was invented, you can't use magic *ever*. (Boy whoever made up that stupid rule…)
mg: Really? Boy, you guys are nice, and you can't use magic. Obviously I was wrong about the whole magic… thing. Well then maybe we *should* go check out the caves. Just so I can say I'm sorry to the people there.
Lita: Uuugh… do we have to?
Everybody Else: Yes.
Lita: Fine, but don't expect me to be cheery about it.
<Not wanting to walk through any more snow than she has to, Lita drives Spidey right up to the mouth of the cave. Everybody climbs out. Lita puts on her very best grouchy face, and the party enters the caves. There's a lot of scrungy kind of people puttering around. They see our heroes, and get really excited.>
Scruffy Guy: Hey! You guys are magic users! We don't get many of them down here!
Filthy Child: Yeah! Well, sometimes Sunshine comes down here to play with us. That's fun!
Grimy Woman: No, dear. She doesn't come down here and play with you. She comes down here and breaks all your toys and spits in our gruel. I wish she'd stop coming down here.
Dirty Guy: <to manosgirl> Hey, aren't you Queen Zeal?
<manosgirl, who was on the verge of smashing a rock against the back of Tork's head, quickly hides it behind her back.>
mg: Huh? Oh! Yes! Shouldn't you be groveling right now, instead of presuming to talk to your superior? And quit touching me!
<It is actually pretty annoying. These people have only had old rags to wear for years and years, they haven't seen any clothes as nice as the ones worn by our party. They aren't shy about pawing at everybody's outfits either.>
Rimmi: <to a scrubby guy> Hey, watch it!
EM: <to an unkempt woman> Say, do you have a boyfriend?
Lita: Evil Mike!
EM: I didn't say anything!
Lita: Gee, Phafhfjlfmchgihgshsa, I can see why you wanted to come here. <She punches the Dirty Guy.>
Mickey: Hey! How come nobody's *croak* paying any attention to me?
Scruffy Woman: We live in a cave. We see frogs all the time.
PM: <poins> What's in that other cave down there?
Filthy Child: It just leads to a chain that anchors the floating Mountain of Woe to the ground.
PM: Hey! Let's go!
Lita: <still decidedly grouchy> Let's not.
mg: Yeah, there's nothing there of any interest. Just some stupidy old sage I banished there for being an annoying know-it-all smartass.
PM: Let's rescue him!
mg: No!
Lita: *whine* There's just a whole bunch of monsters and stuff on that mountain, and it's really scary, and I don't want to go!
gramps: Well, I'm all for saving old guys.
Rimmer: Yeah! Let's go!
mg: Don't you think it would just be a better idea to leave Tork and Cave Rimmer here with the other non magic using losers, and go off to some nice tropical happy time, and have some fun?
Tork and Cave Rimmer: No!!!
mg: Fine. Let's climb up the stupid Mountain of Woe then.
Lita: <grouchy as ever> I'm not going! You people can go get yourselves killed on some big dumb mountain, but don't expect me to come along!
Rimmer: Fine. Stay here by yourself.
<The rest of the party heads through the cave leading to the Mountain of Woe, leaving Lita all alone. Well, all alone with the dirty icky cave dwellers, who all crowd closely around her, and stare at her with benign friendly smiles.>
Lita: Uh… I didn't expect them to actually leave without me… Hey, could you guys back off? I need my personal space.
<The cave dwellers stay where they are. Nothing much interesting happens when you live in a cave, so they are easily entertained. A new person is veeerrrryy interesting to them. A few uncomfortable seconds pass. Finally Lita jumps up and runs to the cave her friends just went through.>
Lita: Uh… Hey, everybody? Wait for me! Don't leave me all by myself!
<The rest of the party got a pretty good head start, but Lita chases after them. Or at least, she quickly runs in the direction she's reasonably sure they went in.>
Lita: Boy, I hope I can find everybody before I get lost or killed by a monster…
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is surprisingly good at getting lost
#1883
Rimmi: Ou est la W.C.?
Date: 01/17/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
EM: What?
Rimmi: Voulez-vous cesser de me cracher dessus pendant que vous parlez!
EM: Rimmer? Are you alright?
Rimmi: Vous avez de la ciboulette sur votre dent. <poins at his mouth.>
Lita: Rimmer, this isn't furthering the plot at all.
Rimmi: Je pense que la robe est trop petite pour vous.
Lita: <rolls her eyes> I think you just insulted me I won't dignify you with an answer.
CaveRimmer: Rimmer, if you don't stop I'm going to club you, comprendez vous?
Rimmi: T'as une tête a faire sauter les plaques d'egouts!
Cave Rimmer: That's IT! <pushes up her sleeves>
Gramps: Now you young 'uns just knock off the catterwallin'!
Rimmer: Est-ce que vous êtes ivre?
Gramps: <furrowing brow> Uh.... yeah, when the rheumatism acts up, I guess.
Rimmer: <to the odd cave people> Ou est la...... loo?
Grungy guy: Oh! The loo! We crap in that cave over there.
Rimmer: Merci. <goes into cave> Ça fait un peu boui-boui, mais il y a de la jolie moisissure.... <and then comes running out> J'ai une grenouille dans mon bidet!
Mickey: <running out behind her> Ack! Rimmi! Didn't anyone ever teach you to knock?
Rimmer: Merde!
#1884
Tork: Wow, Mickey...
Date: 01/17/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Nobody here but us frogs!
Mickey: What? (Ribbit)
Tork: How'd you run like that?
Mickey: You know what (ribbit), I don't know.
Gramps: Frogs can go wherever they want. Why'd you want to go in a bathroom?
Mickey: You got something against frogs, old man?
Gramps: No! I just mean...
Mickey: You know, just because I'm a frog (ribbit), doesn't mean I don't deserve comfort.
Gramps: No! I mean yes! I mean...
(Mickey whips his tongue out and slaps Gramps across the face)
Gramps: OW!
Evil Mike: Hey, that's a neat trick.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Ribbit.
#1885
Lita42: Wow, look at that.
Date: 01/17/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Lita42: manosgirl doesn't even have to be in the same dimension to call up the Master's other wives and send them places. That's impressive. 9000 can't even do that.
Cow: Why should Lita be able to call the Mooaster's wives?
Lita42: No, I mean she can't call her other clones. You know, with her mind, or whatever.
Cow: That's probably just because she's a bloody idiot. If she had a brain in her poor little head, she mooight be able to do something useful once in a while.
Lita42: Hmph.
Cow: Hey, I'm curious. Are we supposed to know about themoo all being in another dimooension? I mooean, according to the plot. Continuity, you know.
Lita42: Oh, right… continuity. You know… we're probably not supposed to know. I have the distinct feeling we're supposed to be wondering where they are. So… um… Gee! Everybody's gone! I wonder where they are!
Cow: I don't really care, mooyself. But if it upsets you, mooaybe if you concentrate really hard you can connect with Lita's tiny, tiny brain, and figure out where she is.
Lita42: Maybe. <she concentrates for a bit> Oh, that bitch. I'm thinking 9000 is somewhere really nice, having a great time, and laughing at us because we're stuck hanging out here together in the snow. Hmph!
***
<Meanwhile, somewhere on the Mountain of Woe.>
Lita: <freezing because it's really snowy out, and still hopelessly unable to find the others.> Guys? Guys? Where are you? <she starts to cry a little> Come on, this isn't funny anymore! Look, it's really scary out here all by myself! Guys?
<Suddenly, a really scary monster jumps out at Lita!!!>
Lita: EEEEEEK!!11!!!!!1!1!1
<She's so surprised, she drops her crossbow. Luckily, when it hit's the ground, it fires, killing the monster just as it was leaping onto Lita so it could eat her brain. Lita faints from terror, but as she's going down she does manage to mutter to herself.>
Lita: Boy… those jerks… I bet they're having a whole bunch of fun without me… *thud*
***
<Meanwhile, somewhere else on the Mountain of Woe, PM, Rimmi, Evil Mike, Tork, Cave Rimmer, manosgirl, grandmapa, and Mickey are fighting Giga Gaia. It's a great big huge monster with two hands.>
<Yes. That is the best job of describing the monster I can do.>
Cave Rimmer: This is so annoying! He keeps regenerating!
PM: Yep, pretty much.
Rimmer: El monstro es muy feo!
<Ok. I know she's supposed to be speaking French. (Why she's speaking French is waaaay beyond me) But I don't speak French. I took Spanish. She can speak French again when somebody who speaks French writes her dialogue.>
Rimmer: Hola! Me llamo Rimmi!
<Ok… it's been a really long time since I took Spanish… Sorry Rimmi, looks like you don't get any more lines. Actually, let's see what's happening to Buffalo and Mortimer!>
***
<Back in the regular world, Mortimer and Buffalo are sitting on a couch, holding beers, and watching Jerry Springer.>
Mort: Yep.
Buffalo: I s'pose.
<Hey, whose couch is that they're spilling beer on?>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
took three long years of Spanish,
and all she can remember is
"Donde esta la biblioteca?"
#1886
[PM] How did you beat this thing again?
Date: 01/18/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<SNES Mode>>>
[Giga Gaia's gigantic, disembodied hands shoot a massive laser ray at our intrepid party, causing them much hurting!]
[Rimmi] Mon Dieu!
[Gramps] I cain't tell ya, Pflrahrahoorr! Some durn idjit spilt booze on my statergy guide thingie, and it's all bleary now!
[Mickey] I wonder who that *ribbit* "idjit" might be?
[Gramps] 'Twern't me! It must've been some other elderly alcoholic gender bender!
[Rimmi] Sie täuschen! Wir müssen die Hände zuerst zerstören!
[PM] Hunh?!? I thought you were speaking French!
[Rimmi] Sorgen Sie nicht sich um das jetzt, Pflabby Manboobs! Die Hände! Zerstören Sie die HÄNDE!
[Tork] She's right! We've got to destroy the hands first!
[Everyone turns to stare at Tork.]
[Tork] What? I'm a robot! I've got a built-in translator circuit!
[Rimmi] 마지막적으로, 누구는 주의고 있다 !
[Mickey] Okay, *that's* not *croak* annoying!
[Rimmi] Regard qui parle, grenouille!!!
[Cave Rimmer] When we're finished destroying this thing, remind me to smack you.
[Rimmi] Campesino de Uncultured! Pleh en usted!!!
[PM] Okay, I think I know how to do this. Rimmi, Flame Sword 2 technique!
[Rimmi] Tut, Phübsches Moronic!
[Rimmi makes fire swirl around herself, and PM leaps high into the air. The fire shoots up and surrrounds PM's sword, and he plunges it into the left hand. The hand obligingly crumbles into dust.]
[PM] Good! Now Tork! Cave Rimmer! Beast toss the right hand!
[Cave Rimmer runs up to the hand and picks it up while Tork beats his chest. Cave Rimmer and Tork play catch with the hand for a minute or so, then Cave Rimmer spikes it into the ground. The other hand shatters.]
[PM] Now! Hit the body with everything you've got!!!
[Rimmi] Chi ha messo * voi * in carica, in ogni modo?
[PM] Just do it!!!
[Everyone hits the now defenseless Giga Gaia with everything they've got. Even Gramps gets into the act, throwing bottles of battle booze at it! Soon, Giga Gaia blows up! After the dust settles, a large crystal can be seen.]
[Mickey] What's *ribbit* that?
[Tork] That's the crystal prison of Melchior, the Guru of Life.
[Rimmi] Bien, libérons-le, déjà!!!
[Cave Rimmer smacks Rimmi.]
[Rimmi] Ach! Mein Kopf!!!
[Cave Rimmer] Thanks! I almost forgot to do that!
[Mickey] Why are *ribbit* you speaking in *croak* all these different languages, *ribbit* anyway?
[Tork] Yeah! I mean, I could see Mickey speaking French. He's the frog!!!
[Dead silence.]
[Gramps] That was so, so sad.
[Rimmi] Okay, I give. I was just trying out the new translator helmet I invented! Isn't it great?
[Cave Rimmer] Yeah, great. Sure.
[Gramps] Come on, you whippersnappers! Let's let Melchior out of this thing! [He walks up and touches the crystal. A flash of brilliant light shines from the spot, and when it fades a short, strangely familiar figure stands in place of the crystal.]
[Dumbschmoe] Hmmmph! Took you long enough! You're all Sluggy McSlowpoke!!!
[Rimmi] Maintenant c'est un choc.
-----------------------------------------------------------
[Meanwhile, further down the mountain of woe...]
[Lita gets up, shivering, rubbing the bump on her head.] Guys? Guys?!? [She waits a moment, listening for a reply. She gets none.] You all suck.
TmPM
VP of the Mr. T. Fan Club
Sarcophagus!
#1887
Hey Lita!
Date: 01/18/2002
From: wurwolf
Como sou eu que falo em Portugese e mim não fale geralmente uma palavra dela? Eu estou fazendo-a por Babelfish, um local que permita que você datilografe qualquer coisa que você quer e vê traduziu em uma outra língua com o um clique de seu rato. Você pode querer tentá-lo quando você escreve para Rimmi. Há diversas línguas que você pode se usar. Verifique-o para fora! Está aqui o endereço.
How am I speaking in Portuguese and I don't usually speak a word of it? I'm doing it by Babelfish, a site which allows you to type anything you want and see it translated into another language with one click of your mouse. You may want to try it when you write for Rimmi. There are several languages you can use. Check it out! Here is the address.
http://babelfish.altavista.com/
Tenha uma estadia boa!
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#1888
I had a nice long reply written out...
Date: 01/19/2002
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<
And then, I just *had* to make sure I got my translations right, so I went to Babelfish without saving my work. Most of the time, the Back button on my browser will save my work, *most* of the time. That was not the case here.
Stupid Duh, slowing down our computers and deleting our work! <kicks Duh, but seeing as the Duh is made of dark matter, gets his leg caught in its vacuum> Aaaaaaaack! *puuuuuuuuuuull* *pop* Whew! That was close! Glad my leg's still intact! But, where's my shoe... <gets hit with a shoe by a cackling Duh'" Grrr!!!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
President of the Mr. T Fan Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
11:29 P.M. CST!
#1889
Hey wurwolf
Date: 01/19/2002
From: KingBoodozer
I've been to that site before! I like it!
The only problem I've found is that you really need to know how to spell the English words correctly, or it won't translate. Blah, not that *I've* ever had that problem!! hehe!!
okay.
KingBoodozer
The nasty little man.
KING!!
#1890
LOL, Booey!
Date: 01/19/2002
From: wurwolf
Yeah, that'll happen if you can't spell. Fortunately, it doesn't happen for me -- I can spell! ;o) Also, I know where to use commas! :oD
I love you!
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#1891
<At the peak of the Mountain of Woe>
Date: 01/19/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
mg: Dumbschmoe! Look at that! Imagine meeting you here!
DS: Oh, don't give me that, you meanie! You're the one who banished me up here and imprisoned me in that crystal in the first place!
mg: Well, you deserved it, didn't you?! There I was, all ready to go forward with my plans to make an alliance with Lavos and take over the world, and there you were telling me, <she affects a whiny voice and lisp> "Noooooo! It'th not right! You thouldn't kill innothent people!" Well, pleh on you! I'm glad you're about to get crushed under thousands of tons of rock!
Everybody: Huh?
mg: Oh, the video game experts don't know? Brother, when I banish somebody, they stay banished! I rigged this whole mountain so that if somebody is stupid enough to try to rescue the guru, the chain anchoring the mountain will break, and the whole place will crash down and kill not only the rescuers, but also the rescuees, and a few other people besides! Ha ha ha ha ha! Eat *THAT*, Suckers!
PM: Ohhh… crap. Now I remember.
Mickey: <to manosgirl> And I suppose *croak* you have a really super cool escape plan?
mg: What? Why would I have one of those? I don't want people to escape.
Rimmer: Then won't you die too?
mg: What? Of course not! No! I'm the Queen! I can't…. Oh… dear… <she bursts into tears> NO!!! THIS IS TERRIBLE!!! I'M TOO BEAUTIFUL TO DIE!!!
Tork: I have a great escape plan, and it goes like this: RUN!!!
gramps: Sounds good to me!
<Everybody rushes down the Mountain of Woe as fast as they can. They make it back down the chain and into the caves just in time. The chain snaps, and the entire mountain falls to the earth. But not only the Mountain of Woe, but also the Kingdom of Zeal, which was magically linked to the mountain. There's all kinds of chaos, and earthquakes, and tidal waves, and the whole place is a mess. Our heroes duck and cover until all the loud crashing noises outside die down, then they dare to get up and look around.>
Rimmer: Is it over?
mg: Yes… it's all over. My whole kingdom is over. This sucks!
DS: I bet we just killed hundreds of people.
EM: Wow! Did we? Cool! Hey, are there any other floating islands around we can bring down? That would be awesome!
<Everybody glares at Evil Mike.>
EM: What?
Tork: Let's not tell Lita about this… I'm willing to bet she wouldn't approve.
EM: Oh, yeah. I can hear her now. <in a shrill voice that would probably get him slapped if Lita were around> "You guys shouldn't kill people. It isn't nice. I told you guys not to go up that mountain, but you didn't listen, and now you caused catastrophic damage to the whole world. I'm so much better than you are because I don't kill entire civilizations!"
Rimmer: Sounds about right.
Mickey: *ribbit* Where is Lita, anyway?
EM: Probably doing her hair or something.
Dirty Guy: Oh, don't you know? She changed her mind about waiting for you, and followed you up the mountain. Didn't you meet up with her?
Cave Rimmer: No…
PM: She made it back here before the mountain came down though, didn't she? I mean, you saw her come back in through that cave… right?
Dirty Guy: She sure didn't. There's only one opening to the cave that leads to the chain that leads to the mountain, and she didn't come back through it.
<There is a long uncomfortable silence.>
EM: <sidling up to Rimmer> So. Rimmi. Looks like I'm single now… *wink* *wink*
To Be Continued…
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
<But wait! It's all well and good that most of the non-Lita members of the rp have no idea what happened to Lita, but our reading audience at home has the right to know! So, rewind a bit. For your benefit (or torment, depending on how you feel about Lita) in our next chapter of Tales From the Duh, we find out what happened to Lita! Stay Tuned!>
#1892
Part two:
Date: 01/19/2002
From: Carmelita9000
2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2
Previously on Tales from the Duh:
<But wait! It's all well and good that most of the non-Lita members of the rp have no idea what happened to Lita, but our reading audience at home have the right to know! So, rewind a bit. For your benefit (or torment, depending on how you feel about Lita) in our next chapter of Tales From the Duh, we find out what happened to Lita! Stay Tuned!>
And now, our conclusion…
***
<Lita is aimlessly wandering around on the Mountain of Woe. She is lost, as she has a tendency to be.>
Lita: o/`Rowsdower, Rowsdower, o/`
o/` Bippity boppity Bowsdower, o/`
o/` Zippity zoppity Zowsdower… o/`
*sigh* Well… Looks like I'm never going to get off this stupid ugly mountain. I guess I better get used to the idea of living here. It won't be so bad. I could make a lean-to out of… huh… <Lita looks around, but sees nothing to make a lean-to out of.> I guess that'll just make the snow that much colder… Ugh… Great mountain. I can see why the others wanted to come up here.
<Suddenly, the ground starts to shake>
Lita: Earthquakes? This place gets earthquakes? Oh well, I can deal with earthquakes… They'll probably knock my lean-to over though…
<Lita tries to ignore the earthquake, which sure is going on a lot longer than earthquakes usually do, but she can't shake the nagging feeling that there is something about this particular earthquake that she should be concerned about. Suddenly, it hits her.>
Lita: Oh, no! Those retards must have managed to free the guru! And that means…
<Several colorful phrases escape Lita's lips as she panics, and starts running around in circles, like a chicken with its head cut off. But in the end this plan of attack doesn't help Lita at all. And she has no safe place to hide when the Mountain of Woe suddenly becomes the Big Pile of Rubble of Woe. Time passes.
Now, if this were a movie, right now we'd be looking at a shot of an ordinary looking bunch of rocks all piled up. And the camera would stay there just long enough for you to start thinking, "Ok, we all know what's about to happen. Get to the poin, movie." And then, in what would be meant to be a dramatic surprise (but would utterly fail in that respect because this scene is so often done) a hand would suddenly reach up out of the ground, grasping at anything it could use to help pull the rest of Lita out from under all the rocks and snow.
This is not a movie, but that's what happened anyway. Now Lita lies on the ground, trying to catch her breath. Eventually, she looks down at her health statistics that are listed in a text box below her.>
Lita: One hit poin? That's pretty crappy. At least I have some magic poins left, I guess.
<Lita, fortunately for her, happens to be the obligatory member of the party who is skilled in healing magics. This of course (in the grand tradition of RPGs) means she isn't very skilled at much of anything else, but you wouldn't catch any of the other members of the party mentioning this to her. Not if they like having all their teeth. I'm getting off track though, Lita performs her very bestest cure spell, then gets up and looks around. She sees a whole bunch of nothing.>
Lita: Well, this is getting pretty tiresome. If those jerks couldn't wait for me, I'm damn well not going to be expected to wait for them. Screw them! <Lita pulls out her Spidey Whistle> o/`TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!1!!1111!!!11!!!!!o/`
<Spidey appears over the horizon, and approaches, but in a jerky kind of way. It's almost as if it were struggling against some kind of force… some kind of voodoo. >
Lita: <recognizing all the symptoms> Oh, *HELL* no!
<She runs up and pulls the door open, then glares up into the driver's seat.>
Lita: wurwolf!!! What the @&%$ are you doing in my car?!?!
wurwolf: Watch your language, Bitch. That kind of talk isn't ladylike! I'm just stealing him. But he doesn't follow orders very well.
Lita: That's because he's *MY* car!! He's only programmed to listen to me! Just because you're a pirate, doesn't mean you get to hijack my spider!
wurwolf: I'm not a pirate!
Lita: Get your bescurvyd ass out of there! And you better not have spilled grog on anything. <Lita pulls wurwolf out of Spidey and then pulls herself up into the driver's seat. She glares angrily at the thing sitting next to her in the passenger seat.>
Lita: And take your stupid chair with you!
<Lita throws Mickey's chair out into the snow by wurwolf. wurwolf quickly clutches the chair protectively. Just as Lita's about to close the door and drive away, wurwolf speaks to her again.>
wurwolf: You should have let me steal Spidey. I was going to make a whole bunch of kick-ass improvements.
Lita: I love Spidey just the way he is! He doesn't need any improvements!
wurwolf: Yeah, but I was going to have my goons make him able to fly!
Lita: Oh, right! Did you skip biology or something? Spiders don't fly!
<Lita closes the door, has a thought, and then opens it again>
Lita: Oh, and thanks for telling me about Babelfish.
<She closes the door again, and drives off, leaving wurwolf to stroke Mickey's chair and whisper sweet soothing words to it.>
Lita: <Patting Spidey's dashboard.> Just you and me, Spidey! We don't need the rest of those jerks as long as we've got each other!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1893
You know what.....
Date: 01/19/2002
From: wurwolf
I never realized how creeeeeepy I sound with Mickey's chair. Jeez, I'm practically making love to the thing! That's just wrong.
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
Hopes Mickey's chair didn't hear that
#1894
Tee-hee!
Date: 01/20/2002
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<
wurwolf's doing the hootchie-cootchie with Mickey's chair! You two need to get a room! Gross!
a///passion basket//aroma therapy//dirty novel
That should last you for a while!
gramps!
Naughty naughty, wurwelp!
#1895
Buffalo: What are you doing?
Date: 01/21/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Big Mean RP response
Mortimer: Just because I'm a psychotic, doesn't mean I have to ignore my manners. I'm cleaning up this couch.
Buffalo: Why?
Mortimer: Well, I don't want your boss to yell at us. I think he'd throw a fit if he knew we were crashing at his place.
Buffalo: Ah suppose yur rahght.
************************************************************
42: Okay, where do we start?
Cow: I need to go to the bathroomoo.
42: The hell you don't. Your ceramic.
Cow: It's comooplicated, but I've gotten used to it.
42: Ewwww...ok. I need to go to. Let's try that restaraunt over there.
(seconds later)
Waiter: NO! Bathroom's for paying customers only.
Cow: Let's get out of here. They're all staring at me, I know it.
42: But...but...
Cow: Hello? 42?
(42 turns around to see...horrors of horrors...a fat woman pouring ketchup on Cow)
42: Get your hands off him!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
They have soup at that restaraunt. Don't tell Mick..er, me.
#1896
<Trudging through the snow...>
Date: 01/21/2002
From: Lita_n_Spidey
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.
<The party (sans Lita, of course) has heard rumors that a new village has been formed by the few survivors of the Kingdom of Zeal's destruction. They are going there now to see how things are shaping up. Presently, they arrive, and have a look around. There isn't much there. Mostly a bunch of people speaking optimistically about how everybody should work together. There's a woman talking excitedly about her plans to plant a seedling. The little girl from Zeal Palace is still chasing her cat around, but she seems too preoccupied with this task at the moment to hand out any creepy prophecies.>
EM: Why did we come here again?
Mickey: *croak* Because that's what the script said?
<Evil Mike punches Mickey.>
Mickey: Ow! *ribbit* What was that for?!
EM: Seemed like the thing to do.
Rimmer: This is accomplishing nothing. Shall we go?
PM: May as well. Seems like there was no reason to come here.
<Just then, wurwolf zooms in on Mickey's chair, and she's got a few heavily armed flunkies with her!!!>
wurwolf: Yay! I finally get to do something cool! You guys are totally my prisoners! <to Dumbschmoe> Hiya, Hon! I see they made you a guru, huh?
DS: Yeah! Hey, what's with the eye-patch? Are you supposed to be a pirate or something?
mg: The hell? I'm your queen! You can't take me prisoner!
wurwolf: Aw, pipe down, you bitch! I'm in charge now!
<wurwolf gives the signal, and her flunkies shoot our heroes with fireballs, completely incapacitating them! When they come to, Rimmer, Cave Rimmer, Evil Mike, Pharaoh Mobius, Tork, grandmapa, manosgirl, and Mickey find themselves in a cramped cell.>
Mickey: Ugh… where are we?
EM: We seem to be in a cramped cell. Moron.
Mickey: Thanks. *ribbit*
PM: We must be aboard the Blackbird, wurwolf's plane.
Cave Rimmer: wurwolf has a plane? When did that happen?
PM: She just does.
Rimmer: Hey! My gun is gone!
Mickey: And so is my sword!
Tork: And so is my… punching arm? I don't get it? How do you disarm a robot whose weapon is built in?
Cave Rimmer: Looks like I'm the only one who can fight! I fight with my fists anyway!
PM: We can escape through this air vent. And we should be able to sneak all over the whole ship and find our weapons.
<Without waiting for objections, PM climbs up into the air vent, and starts crawling through the ductwork. Boy, it's a good thing all these vents are big enough to crawl through! The rest of the group follows. Occasionally they jump down out of the vents to beat up guards and steal their stuff back, then they'll jump back in for some more sneaking around. After maybe a few hours of this, PM stops by a grating.>
PM: <feeling very proud of himself> Hey, Mickey. Look through there and tell me what you see.
Mickey: <takes a look> *ribbit* I don't see anything.
PM: You don't? Are you sure? Look again!
Mickey: No, there's nothing. *croak* Just a big empty room.
PM: No! Spidey's supposed to be in there! I know this game inside out. wurwolf is supposed to steal our time machine, and she's got it in there and her goons are all welding on it and stuff! Look again!
Mickey: Oh, come on. I can't see how I could miss something like that. *croak* Fine, I'll check one more time. <he peers through the grate.> Nothing.
PM: You're just not looking right! <he looks for himself> Wow. Nothing. The hell?
Tork: Ok. Who screwed up the plot?
<Everybody does their best to look as innocent as they can.>
Rimmer: Look. It doesn't matter where Spidey is. We still need to escape. Where to next?
PM: Well, I know how to get to the wing of the plane, but I don't see how that can help us if--
Rimmer: Let's just go. We may as well.
PM: If you insist.
<More crawling about in the ductwork. Finally, they emerge out on the wing of the plane.>
Rimmer: EEK!! We're outside!!!
PM: I told you--
Rimmer: I thought you meant we'd be where we could see the wing by looking out a window or something! You didn't say we'd be standing on the actual wing! And you didn't say we'd be doing it while the plane was in flight!
Tork: Hey, there's some robots with lasers over there. We seem to have attracted their attention.
Rimmer: We're all gonna die!
PM: Not necessarily. I know the game, remember? Our faithful time machine will save us.
gramps: I thought we established that Spidey isn't here.
PM: Oh… right… But that's ok! Spidey's well trained! We just need to call him up.
EM: Right. We'll just call Spidey with the Spidey Whistle we haven't got, and he'll just fly up here with the wings he hasn't got, and save us.
PM: Oh… poopie. Ok, Rimmi, you were right. We're all gonna die.
<It is at that moment that whoever is piloting the Blackbird decides to dip the wing. Our heroes have to obey the laws of gravity just like everybody else. They obligingly fall to the ground, far, far below.>
***
<Back on the ground, Lita is riding around in her Giant Spider Car. The radio is up really, really loud, and Lita is reveling in her newfound sense of independence.>
Lita: Yeah, that's right, Spidey! Just you and me! We don't need those losers! We're gonna make it after all! Hey, what's that over there?
<Lita pulls up by several very deep holes in the snow. Some further investigation reveals that her buddies are at the bottom of those holes. They aren't moving around much, as the fall has completely deprived them of hit poins. Lita looks down at them and glares.>
Lita: Serves you right, you bastards! Pleh on all of you!
<Lita turns away, and is about to climb back into Spidey and leave, but then she feels bad and turns back.>
Lita: Ugh… I guess I better revive you. <she waves her hand absently at the nearest hole in the ground.> Life2… or whatever.
<A ray of light shines down into the hole. A couple of beauuuutiful widdle angels float around and bless person lying below. Then they leave. The light fades. Evil Mike climbs up out of the hole.>
EM: Hey, Lita! You're alive!
Lita: Yeah! No thanks to you guys! Collapsing mountains I'm trying to stand on! How could you?!
EM: Hey, things happen, you know? You just gotta deal with it.
Lita: Hmph! I'm still mad! But shut up a minute. I need to revive the others. Life2. <nothing happens> *ahem* Life2! <nothing happens> Huh. Life2? <nothing>
EM: You're out of magic poins.
Lita: Aw, crud. All right then. We'll just have to take them back to the End of Time and revive them there.
EM: Why? I thought you were mad at them.
Lita: I'm really pissed off is what I am! Mickey's a big meany, and the rest of them are all jerks! Now don't argue. Just help me stack their bodies in Spidey's back seat. And hurry up, I'm freezing out here.
EM: <starts pulling somebody out of one of the holes in the ground> I don't see why we should have to go through all the trouble of putting these people into Spidey ourselves. Seems to me Spidey is a self-loading vehicle.
Lita: <pulling on somebody else> These people are injured, Evil Mike. You can't treat an injured person that way.
EM: I can.
Lita: Now Evil Mike,
EM: Seems like a lot of work for people you're pissed off at is all.
Lita: Evil Mike,
EM: Hey, do we really have to revive them right away? I mean we're finally alone together, you know. *wink* *wink* We should take advantage of the privacy. *wink* *wink*
Lita: <Shaking her head with a sigh and a knowing smile> That's my Evil Mike!
<Since everybody else in the rp is too unconscious to give us decent sitcom laughter, we get canned laughter and cheering from the laugh track.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is just squeezing in one rp response before bedtime
#1897
Just then, as Lita and Evil Mike are
Date: 01/21/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
in the middle of making big smoochies while the bodies of their injured friends are just lying around....
Rimmi: So I'm dead now? Great!
Evil Mike: <leaping out of Lita's arms and hitting his head on the cieling> AAAAAAAGH!!!
Lita: What the the Hell? <she turns to see Rimmi standing there looking just as alive as ever and behind her, her body is clearly in the stack of people> You're a ghost- but you're not dead? You're just on life2 now.
Rimmi: That may be but at some poin I did die. The watch thingie I wear on my wrist indicates my life functions. When my life functions cease, I appear here, as I am now, a hologram. I'm like a ghost in that no one can touch me and I can go through things but I can touch people when I want to. <reaches through seat and gooses Evil Mike>
Lita: Keep your hands off my man!
Rimmi: Make me! <yanks Lita's hair>
<Rimmi's hologram (from here on in called RimME2) continues to gooses EM and yank Lita's hair. It seems she's like Rimmi in everyway but she's meaner. She'd steal candy from babies then say blah to them. BLAH TO BABIES! The horrors!>
#1898
<Lita has taken about all she can take>
Date: 01/21/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita: Rimmi, stop it! Please!
RimME2: No! Ha ha ha!
<RimME2 pulls Lita's hair, and gooses Evil Mike. Lita is sick and tired of this! Fortunately, though, the very first thing Lita did when she and Evil Mike got back to The End of Time (because that's where they are) was refill her stats. (Yes! Even before making with the smoochies with Evil Mike!) Now she musters up all her magic power, and revives the rest of the party.>
EM: The hell? I thought you were going to use your magic to beat Rimmi up or something.
Lita: No! I can't do that! She's an ally! I figure this way she has more people to spread her attacks over. That'll give me a break.
Tork: What are we doing here? What's going on?
<RimME2 breaks an expensive vase over Tork's head. Then she kicks PM in the hinder. Then she yells at manosgirl and makes her cry. Then she spits in Mickey's coffee. Then she gives Cave Rimmer a wet willie. Then she refuses to serve gramps any alcohol on the grounds that he's too young. It's mayhem!>
PM: Yikes! What's wrong with Rimmi? (Hey, stop kicking me!)
Lita: Well, I have a theory. See, I revived Evil Mike with Life2. I tried to revive Rimmi next, but I guess I didn't have enough magic poins, so the spell didn't quite work all the way. It only worked halfway. Stop it, Rimmi! My hair is not a toy!
PM: Ok, so I get the ghost/hologram thing… but why is she being so…silly?
EM: Aw, just say it! You know you want to! She's being a bitch!
Lita: I don't know why! It's like she's channeling That Sunday Bitch or something!
PM: Well, can you do anything about it?
Lita: No! She's on my team! I can't! It wouldn't be right! But I figure that since she's like your archenemy or whatever in the whole revenge thing, you could maybe… vaporize her or something? Please?
PM: No! And that's not what I meant by doing something! You have your magic poins filled back up now. You could finish the spell and fix everything, and put her back to normal now, right?
Lita: No! I have to do everything around here, and you people just sit around on your asses!
PM: That's not entirely accurate--
Lita: <Getting a bit emotional> You don't understand! I've been under a lot of stress lately! You don't know what it's like! You guys just left me on that mountain all by myself and I almost died and it's all your fault and it was really scary and a monster jumped on me and it was really cold and those cave guys were creepy and you guys are really mean and I saved Rimmi's life and everything and she's still being not nice to me and she's pinching Evil Mike's butt and I can't stop her and now you're telling me to do stuff and and and--
RimME2: Aw, shut up, you crybaby!
Lita: <her lower lip quivering> I'm not a crybaby!
<RimME2 pulls Lita's hair really hard! In fact, she pulls with so much force that Lita falls down and starts crying.>
PM: Oh, now that wasn't entirely necessary… Rimmi, will you quit kicking me already?
RimME2: No! *kick* *Kick* *KICK!!!* Tee-hee! <She runs over to yell at manosgirl some more.>
Lita: *sniff* You know what? I don't have to put up with this garbage! Screw you guys!
PM, Tork, manosgirl, gramps, & Cave Rimmer: Hey!
RimME2: Ha ha!
Lita: Come on, Evil Mike! Let's go!
<Lita walks over to where Spidey is docked, and climbs in. Evil Mike gets in too.>
PM: You don't have to go, you can just do your spell and fix this--
Lita: PLEH!!
<She slams Spidey's door in PM's face, Spidey disappears into time and space>
PM: What a bitch-- Rimmi, quit kicking me!!
***
<Aboard Spidey>
EM: So, where are we headed?
Lita: We haven't visited the mediaeval age yet. Let's go there!
EM: That doesn't sound too good to me…
Lita: Oh, it'll be great! It'll be just like a great big Ren Fest!
EM: I stand by my previous statement--
Mickey: <pops up from behind the back seat> Oh, boy! *ribbit* A Ren Fest! That sounds like fun!
Lita: Ack! Mickey! What are you doing in here?
Mickey: Rimmi was being mean to me. *croak* She spit in my coffee and stuff. So I decided to hide in Spidey until she calmed down a bit. But then you guys showed up and drove off with me still back here! Ow! *ribbit* Evil Mike, stop punching me! OW!!
EM: This is for coming along where you aren't invited! *punch*
Lita: Knock it off, EM. We're here.
EM: Why did you park in the middle of a forest?
Lita: Who knows? Let's get out and look around.
<Lita, Evil Mike, and Mickey all climb out of Spidey and start wandering around through the woods. Suddenly a bunch of Delta Knight looking soldier guys show up!>
Soldier: Queen Leene! Thank goodness we finally found you!
Lita: Who's Queen Lena?
Soldier: Ha ha! You're very funny, Your Majesty, of course you know who Queen Leene is!
Lita: No, I don't…
Soldier 2: You're Queen Leene, you silly! You always did have a great sense of humor.
Lita: Uh… I'm not who you think I am. Tell them, you guys!
Mickey: *croak* She's not Queen Leene. She's Lita!
EM: Yeah. She's not Queen Leene, she's Queen Bitch!
Lita: Exactly! So you see? You have me mistaken for somebody else!
Soldier: You just keep getting funnier and funnier, don't you Highness? Let's get back to the castle now! Your husband the king has been worried sick!
Lita: HUSBAND?!?!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
isn't ready for marriage yet!!!
#1899
Mickey: I hope this doesn't
Date: 01/21/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
take too long *ribbit*
Lita: Why?
Mickey: *Ribbit* I have a prior engagement. Me and Spidey are going to go on a picnic.
Evil Mike: What could you and Spidey possibly have in common enough to go on a picnic?
Mickey: What do you think? (Sees a fly and whips his tongue out and eats it). Buurrrppppp! Pardon.
Lita: Ewwwwww....
Mickey: *Ribbit* Hey, I didn't ask to be a frog, but I make do.
************************************************************
42: We've been wandering for hours.
Cow: It's your fault.
42: That gas station bathroom was disgusting.
Cow: Hey look! A giant land clam! And it's mouth is open.
42: YAY! (Kisses Cow) Ahem, sorry.
Cow: Who's comooplaining?
42: I found the hideout! Maybe the rest of them are here. It's possible. Diabolik has all kinds of scientific gizmos like that.
(Cow and 42 go in the hideout)
Cow: Correct mooe if I'm wrong, but wasn't there a Buffalo hanging up on the wall over there?
42: Hey, you're right.
Cow: Hmmmmmmmoo.....I call it first!
42: Hmmph!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
You would think Diabolik could afford two bathrooms.
#1900
Hey look, I'm nekkid!!!!
Date: 01/21/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Packers! Whooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MTG, etc.
#1901
Previously...
Date: 01/21/2002
From: Tork_110
on Tales from the Duh.
--------------------------------------------------------
Lita: Evil Mike, we have something to tell you.
Rimmer: One of us is carrying your baby. Can you guess who?
Evil Mike: The one who got fat?
<SLAP!!!!!<but by who?>!!!!!>
---------------------------------------------------------
Sheriff Hale: Okay, why was Tork killed?
Lita4543: Many of us were offended by the way clones were portrayed in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones.
Sheriff Hale: Yeah, so?
Lita375: He just happened to look like one of those dorks who waited in line for that movie.
Sheriff Hale: So who did it?
< 8999 women and one drunk transvestite poin at each other.>
---------------------------------------------------------
Dumbschmoe: Hon, I'm home.
wurwolf: What are you doing home early!
Dumbschmoe: *gasp* What are you doing in bed with my bboard wife!
Mickey's chair: SPIN?
----------------------------------------------------------
manosgirl: I am now the owner of MSTblanca.
PharaohMobius: How could you take it away from me? I trusted you.
manosgirl: It's all part of my plan to steal Lita's crown.
PharaohMobius: Tell me. How did you do it?
manosgirl: My partner in crime seduced your wife to get the information we needed.
PharaohMobius: Who?
<a man walks in>
PharaohMobius: Mickey?!!
Mickey?: Correction, Lord Kinsey Figgybottom!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And now, tonight's episode!
(Of course, none of this should be considered canon...)
#1902
I don't remember that...
Date: 01/21/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Are you sure that happened?
Because I think I'd remember that.
Huh.
Well, moo, I guess.
Lord KFB Cow
Bboard Cow
Cow to All
Post Cow x2
Moo.
#1903
Ooh! Final stretch time!
Date: 01/22/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
Let's see if we can reach 2,000 replies before the D'uh itself reaches 1,000!
So Rimmer is alive now and RimME2 is still is being a mean bitch and Rimmer is now, somehow, pregnant with EM's baby? Did that basturd take advantage of me while I was unconcious? Wait a minute! Did he take advantage of Tork too and that's why he does't know which one of us is pregnant? He really gets around! Poor Tork. I don't mind EM getting that close to me but Tork's been violated!
They don't call Mike Evil for nothing!
#1904
Hey Tork! You confoozled everybody!
Date: 01/22/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Nice job! :oD
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#1905
The suspense is killing me!
Date: 01/22/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Who's Lita's new husband?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Has a sneaking suspicion that he's going to have to try and act surprised when he's revealed.
#1906
Do you really want to know, Mickey?
Date: 01/22/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Me too! I have no idea who he is! I didn't write that far! I haven't even thought about it. Yikes! Now I'm nervous!
Lita
#1907
Lita42: Hey! I know what let's do!
Date: 01/22/2002
From: Carmelita42
...........................................................
cow: What's that?
Lita42: Let's go to MSTBlanca!
cow: No! We just got back here, and that took forever! This is a nice place with interior decorating and stuff! There's no reason to go to MooSTBlanca!
Lita42: Oh, come on! It'll be fun! Besides, I have a cunning plan!
cow: I don't care about your cunning plan! I have a moouch better idea. I say we fire up Diabolik's spinny bed and see what we can do!
Lita42: <weighs her options carefully> Ok. That settles it. MSTBlanca it is.
cow: Damoon!
***
<Several hours later, Carmelita42 enters MSTBlanca. Lord Kinsey Figgybottom theCow is perched on her shoulder. He looks kind of like a parrot, only much funnier! Lita42 walks over to the bar and pulls up a stool. She lets the cow off her shoulder so he can walk around on the counter. Rick comes over, cleaning a glass.>
Rick: Hello, Dollface. What'll it be?
Lita42: We're looking for Nabut. Have you seen him around, mayhap?
Rick: Well, Lita, he's--
Lita42: Hey, don't be a jerk!
Rick: What did I do?
cow: You confused her with 9000. I can see why she's so pissed.
Rick: Oh! You're one of the clones! I see. So, what number are you, Sweetheart?
Lita42: <stony silence>
Rick: Er… Nabut is right over there.
<He poins nervously. Nabut is at the bar, two stools down. Strange that Lita42 missed him, but sometimes that's just how the script goes.>
Lita42: Thanks.
cow: Go get'imoo, 42!
<Lita42 walks over to Nabut and taps him on the shoulder.>
Nabut: Yeah?
Lita42: I was just wondering if you've seen PM or his wife around lately.
Nabut: No, why?
Lita42: Well, I was just thinking how I haven't seen 9000, or Rimmer, or Evil Mike, or all those people either.
Nabut: So?
Lita42: SO??? What kind of a henchman are you? Didn't it occur to you at any poin that this is your perfect opportunity to take over PM's… whole… deal?
Nabut: His "deal?"
Lita42: Yeah, you know, his whole criminal empire deal thingie.
Nabut: Ah. I see. To be honest, the thought had crossed my mind. But I decided not to.
Lita42: Really? Why not?
Nabut: Why do you care?
Lita42: Just imagine it! <Lita42 puts an arm around Nabut's shoulders> There'll be hordes of shock troopers, billions worth in ill-gotten wealth, lots of power, people to scared not to do whatever the hell they're told, and we'll be controlling it all!
Nabut: <Has a far away look in his eyes> Yeah… <Snaps back into attention> Hey, wait… what's this "we" business?
Lita42: I'd be ruling by your side, of course.
cow: 42, how could you?? You never told mooe you were attracted to himoo!
Lita42: Ugh! Are you kidding me? I'm not attracted to him. I'm attracted to power!
Nabut: <quietly> Hey, I'm not bad looking…
cow: Oh. Well, if it's just power, that's not so bad then. As a formooer British Noblemooan, I can appreciate that approach.
Nabut: I've got a great personality too…
Lita42: So, what do you say? Are you with me?
Nabut: Actually, I'm gonna have to turn you down.
Lita42: Oh no you don't!
Nabut: Besides, say the Boss came back, and caught me. What then?
Lita42: Tell him to kiss your ass! And then, like, shoot him or something. I don't know. I'm not good at the whole hostile takeover kind of thing. <Tightens her grip on Nabut's shoulders> Just stick with me, my man. With you by my side, I can rule the whole freaking world!
Nabut: And what was it that I was supposed to get out of this arrangement?
Lita42: All PM's stuff! Duh!
Nabut: And you would be helpful in the whole power-usurping scheme… how?
Lita42: <A little hurt. She was expecting this to be easier.> It was my idea. Aren't you overcome by my feminine wiles?
Nabut: To be honest, I'm actually not really--
Lita42: <suddenly enraged> Now listen here, Bukko! You'd better be overcome by my feminine wiles, or so help me Pete…
cow: Yeah! Kick his ass, 42! Nobody insults your femooinine wiles!
<Lita42 is giving Nabut a fierce glare that she only reserves for special occasions. When she speaks to him, it is in a low growl that has daggers in it. She's not using a voice you want to mess with.>
Lita42: …I'll beat you like you took my cookie…
Carmelita42
The Litas hate it when people confuse them with other Litas.
#1908
I'm so proud of myeslf
Date: 01/22/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
<<<Bragging Mode>>>
The current leader of the MST3Kwiz this week only has 11 points.
You all thought I was kidding when I said I was going to make it harder.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Promises I'll go a little easier next week. Just a little.
#1909
Cow: Hey, umoo...
Date: 01/22/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
I thought I was the cow.
Shouldn't we be looking for Moortimooer?
42: Oh, right...Tough decision.
Cow: I mooean, if you want to let a psychotic kill Mooickey, that's fine with mooe, but still...
42: Oh, poopie! I was so close.
Rick: Let me take care of this sweetheart. What's this Mortimer look like?
42: Exactly like Mickey, except for a cheesy goatee.
Cow: If that's what you want to call it, anyway.
42: He claims to be Mickey's EVIL TWIN BROTHER®
Rick: I have an EVIL TWIN BROTHER®. Aram...that bastard.
Nabut: Ahem! Feminine wiles!
42: You had your chance!
Cow: What happened to your quest for power?
42: Oh, right. This is hard. How does 9000 manage to deal with her plans?
Cow: Sheer stupidity.
Rick: All right, I'll find him. Get back to your little power hunger scheme. I'll need some back-up though (annoyed sigh) Oh, Castleton?
Nick: Here I am. What do you want?
Rick: Castleton, you need to help me find Mickey's brother.
Nick: (poins at Nabut) There he is...isn't he?
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
lhdsflfgdfhldsgvflgbelgfwyaleuflewefcvllavf
#1910
[Nick] Now if you'll excuse me...
Date: 01/23/2002
From: Nabut
<<<Getting to the botom of things Mode>>>
[Nick] ...I've got things to do. [He starts to go back into PM's office, carrying a plate of hot wings and other assorted bar foods.]
[Nabut] Not so fast, Castleton.
[Nick] Would everyone stop with the "Castleton" crap, already? I know I went there, you don't have to rub it in.
[Lita42] But that's your name, isn't it?
[Nick] Of course not! My name is Nick! What kind of moron would go by the name of Castleton?
[Cow] *You*, for the span of a few mooonths.
[Nick] Oh yeah, the amnesia thing. I've been over it for awhile, now.
[Rick] When did that happen, kid?
[Nick] It happened off-camera! It's been like a month since the last time I appeared. A lot can happen in a month.
[Nabut] Enough of this, already. Where are you going with all of those munchies?
[Nick] Well, Sam and I have been playing this Super Nintendo ROM hack on the big computer in the boss' office for awhile. It's kind of glitchy, but funny as hell!
[Nabut's well-honed Pulp Villain instincts raise his suspicions.] What kind of ROM hack?
[Nick] Well the hack replaces all of the main characters with people we know. You know, like the boss, that Lita woman, that guy who dresses in the robot suit, and so on!
[Nabut] And which computer are you running it on?
[Nick] It's that really big one in the back that looks like a cross between a Cray supercomputer, a jukebox, and a big-screen TV!
[Nabut's jaw drops.] You mean the Time/Space computer?!?!?!?
[Nick] Yeah, that's the one! Why do you ask?
[Nabut] That computer can, in theory, project anyone to any point in time and space! The Pharaoh had only to complete an Operating System for it to run on for it to work!
[Nick] Yeah, I noticed it didn't have an operating system, so I installed Windows XP. Is that a problem?
[Lita42] Well *that* would explain what happened to everyone.
[Nick] What? What's happening? Is someone missing?
[Cow] What a Moooron.
Nabut Al'Nathoth
Trusted Lieutenant of Pharaoh Mobius
Great! Now how do we get them back?!?!?
#1911
Nabut: Now how do we get them back?!?!
Date: 01/24/2002
From: Carmelita42
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Lita42: Get them back? We don't want to get them back!
Nabut: We don't?
Lita42: No! I mean, I guess I can see bringing 9000 back--
cow: I can't.
Lita42: --and maybe Evil Mike and Tork and a couple of the others. But we can't bring PM back!
Nabut: Why not?
Lita42: Don't you remember our big plan to take over his vast criminal empire? I mean come on! You just agreed to it a couple of minutes ago.
Nabut: I never agreed to it!
cow: Yes you did! I heard you! I was there!
Nabut: It was your imagination.
cow: It was not. I'moo British. I have no imooagination.
Lita42: In any case, you're going to help me take over the world!
Nabut: Am I?
Lita42: Yes! We'll be great together! Can't you see it now?
Nabut: <makes a decision.> Yes! As a matter of fact, I can! It's all clear now! 42, you are absolutely right! Taking over my Liege's "deal," as you so delightfully put it, is a brilliant idea! Brilliant! And I'm so glad we're in this together! In fact, I think if my Liege ever does come back here, we should shoot him!
Lita42: Yeah! That's the spirit!
Nabut: Yeah! As a matter of fact, right behind that door over there, I've got a big Anti-PharaohMobius Destruct-O Ray that I've been working on!
Lita42: Really? Will it blow him all to smithereens?
Nabut: Yes! Why don't you go get it for me so I can show you how it works?
Lita42: All right!
<Carmelita42 opens the door and steps through it. Before she can realize what's going on, Nabut picks up Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow and tosses him in behind her, then he shuts the door firmly, pulls out a hammer, some nails, and a few planks of wood, and nails the door securely shut. (No, I don't know what he pulled these items out of. It's probably better to quit asking silly questions and just suspend some disbelief, ok? My goodness, some people…)>
Nabut: Ha! I never met a Lita who wasn't far more trusting than is good for her! Probably some defect in the DNA! Hope you enjoy the broom closet, 42!
cow: What about mooe?
Nabut: Yeah, you enjoy yourself too. *sigh* Maybe now I can finally get some work done around here.
<There are a few moments of shocked silence as Lita42 and the cow take in their new surroundings. It doesn't take Lita42 long to realize the awkwardness of her situation--that of being alone in a very cramped and very dark broom closet with a cow that has been making creepy advances at her for several days now. With good reason, she is suddenly incredibly pissed off. She starts calling those outside the broom closet (particularly Nabut) a variety of not very nice (though impressively creative) names. The cow, for his part, listens interestedly to every word she has to say. It's dreadfully entertaining dialogue to anybody at whom it isn't directed.>
Rick: <who apparently was not as interested in finding Mortimer as he had previously indicated.> Wow. How can she talk like that without it causing her head to burst into flames?
Nick: Heh heh… Nabut… she just called you a--
Nabut: I heard her. Don't pay any attention. We have more important things to do.
Rick: <Pulling up a chair and readying a pad and pencil> No, wait! I want to take notes! <He writes a few things down.> Wow! Nabut, do you *really* do that with--
Nabut: No.
Rick: Oh. That's good. Because if you did, that would be very disgusting.
Nick: <A tad nervously--and with good reason, considering incredible detail with which the threats emanating from the broom closet are being described.> Are you sure she can't get out of there? She seems to be planning to do a number of things with parts of my anatomy that I'd really rather not have done.
Nabut: Of course she can't. Just ignore her. She's only trying to get attention. Besides, we're supposed to be working on that small matter of bringing everybody back, remember?
<Lita42 continues to curse, as the cow continues to listen quietly, and wonders if this might be a good time to make his move on her. Everybody else gets back to the business of how to get people out of Chrono Trigger.>
Carmelita42
heard through the grapevine
that 9000 could add to the Chrono Trigger section of the rp,
except she isn't getting any ideas that don't completely suck ass.
cow: If that's what she's waiting for, she'll never post again!!!
42: Hey! Don't talk about my DNA donor that way! And get out of my tagline!
#1912
[Lita] Mickey, manicure duty!
Date: 01/24/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<SNES Mode>>>
[Lita] Evil Mike, pedicure duty! Tork, get me a mint julip and a sammich! PM, scalp massage duty!
[PM] And who do you think you are to boss us around?
[Lita] I'm Queen Spleen, or whatever, that's who! Just ask anyone! [She grins evilly.]
[Evil Mike] Sorry babe, I draw the line at toenail maintainance. The Man doesn't play that!
[A chorus of robots pops out of nowhere.] THE MAN! THE MAN!
[Lita] Evil Mike, I told you to ditch your robo-groupies!
[manosgirl] And what do you expect *me* to do through all of this? Fan you?
[Lita] No, Gramps already has that covered. [To Gramps.] Faster! Faster! I'm prespiring, here!
[Gramps, gasping for breath.] I cain't fan no faster, Litur. My heart palpitashuns are actin' up!
[Lita] I've had enough of your sass, old boy! [She smacks him with her royal scepter, and he falls over.]
[Gramps] My hip!
[manosgirl] Hey! I thought *I* was the evil queen around here!
[Lita] Yeah, well in this time, you're BUPKISS!!! Besides, there must be no doubt that the Bitch crown is rightfully mine!
[Mickey, to himself.] Over-compensate *ribbit* much?
[Lita] I heard that, polliwog! Less lip, more snip! My cuticles need attention! Anyway, MG, you *are* royalty, in a sense. So, you can kick back and let your servants attend you, if you want. But you can't use any of *my* servants!
[manosgirl] I don't want to use any of your sarbutic servants, anyway! I've got lots of-- [She looks to count her servants, and sees only Wurwolf.] Err... well, I've got a servant! Servant! Give me a foot rub!
[Wurwolf] Ugh! Do I have to?
[manosgirl] Yes, it's in your contract! [She shows Wurwolf a copy of her contract.]
[Wurwolf] Damn! Schmoe, honey, a little help!
[Dumbschmoe] I'm not touching her feet! She's Smelly Stinkfootington!
[manosgirl] Now I remember why I banished you to the top of Mount Woe.
[Dumbschmoe] Blah to you, lady! You're Fredo to me!
[Lita] Quiet! I don't want to hear any of thi-- URK!!!
[Evil Mike] Heh! That was funny! Do it again!
[Lita begins to fade away.] Help me! Something (owie!) is going (EEEP!) wrong!!!
[Mickey] And why *croak* should we *ribbit* do that?
[Lita, pleading in a not-whiny-at-all voice.] Because you all love me!!!
[An uncomfortable silence falls over the room.]
[Lita] I've said it before, I'll say it again. You guys suck. [She fades out entirely.]
[Wurwolf] What in the name of Mickey's chair was *that* about?
[PM] If I remember right, this kingdom's queen was kidnapped. Lita is the decendant of that queen. When they found Lita, they stopped looking for the real queen. Which means--
[Rimmer enters the room, with Tork close behind.] --which means that we have to find and rescue the real queen if we want Lita back.
[Another uncomfortable silence falls over the room.]
[Rimmi] Let me put it this way: either we go out to rescue the real Queen Leene right now, or I pull out Mr. McHappsackslasher and we play a little game of "hack-n-slash"!
[Everyone immediately and enthusiastically agrees to go and rescue Queen Leene.]
[Rimmi] I knew you didn't want to push me. I've just spent an hour and a half curry-combing a giant spider car, and I'm awfully cranky!!!
[Tork] So, anyone want this sandwich?
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
VP of the Mr. T Fan Club
Doing what I can to get this RP moving again!
Sarcophagus!
#1913
Mickey: I know! Let's go downstairs!
Date: 01/24/2002
From: Carmelita9000
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Rimmer: What's downstairs?
Mickey: The kitchen! I found it between when Lita and Evil Mike and I got to the castle and when the rest of you got to the castle. *croak*
Rimmer: Ok. That's great. But how will that help us save Queen Leene?
Mickey: We can't go *ribbit* adventuring on an empty stomach!
<Lita sits up from where she was lying on the floor>
Lita: Boy, that was weird! But it looks like I'm ok now! So you guys can get back to painting my nails! Great news, huh?
EM: So, what do they serve in the kitchen, anyway?
Lita: Uh… guys? Paint my nails!
Mickey: Lots of soup!
Lita: Oh, no! Mickey, you haven't been hitting the soup again, have you?
Rimmer: Oh, no! Mickey, you haven't been hitting the soup again, have you?
Lita: Hey! You know I just said that, Rimmi! It's not nice to make fun!
Mickey: They don't just serve soup! They have at least three things on the menu. *croak* But don't ask for ice cream. *ribbit* They don't know what it is. I found that out the hard way.
Lita: *giggle* they thought he said "eyes-cream"!
Mickey: <a pained expression crosses his face> They thought I said "eyes-cream."
Lita: Dude, I just said that. Isn't anybody paying attention to me?
PM: I suppose we could head down for something to eat before we go look for Leene.
Lita: Who cares about Leene? I'm fine! I'm right here! You don't need to look for Leene anymore!
<Everybody nods in agreement, and they head for the door.>
Mickey: I'm going to *croak* have the soup!
Lita: Wait! Guys, wait up!
<Lita runs after them, waving at them to stop. They pass by without taking any notice. This just annoys Lita, but she gets really scared when Evil Mike walks right through her.>
Lita: AAH!! ....oh...wait... I get it. I must be on another plane of existence. They can't see, hear, or sense me. That's inconvenient. I guess that means they still *do* need to save Leene to get me back. <Longish pause> So why are they all heading downstairs for food?!?! The hell??? Guys, I'm in peril! <She runs down the stairs after them> You guys suck! You better not say anything mean about me now that you think I can't hear you! Hmph! Some friends I got!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
finally got to do the "eyes-cream" joke!
Yay!
I just want to say before I go that none of this post was based in any way upon recent events in Vampire-Based Programming… *grin* That was a damn good episode though…
#1914
<Lita grabs some duct tape, a hammer,
Date: 01/25/2002
From: Carmelita9000
and her crowbar.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
The continuity is all screwed up over here! I'm going to try to fix it by wedging this reply somewhere in between my reply 1898 (where Lita, Evil Mike, and Mickey, enraged by RimME2's antics, leave the others at the End of Time, and hop into Spidey and zip to the Middle Ages) and PM's reply 1912 (where *everybody* is suddenly (for no apparent reason) in the Middle Ages). Hopefully this will help the rp to go back to making what around here passes for sense.
***
<When we last saw Lita, Evil Mike, and Mickey…>
Lita: HUSBAND?!?!
<That was a few seconds ago. The soldiers are now escorting Lita, Evil Mike, and Mickey to the castle.>
Soldier: Yeah, husband. But of course you already knew that.
Lita: No, I'm not married. I'm not this Queen Lane or whatever. I'm just Lita!
Mickey: *ribbit* So? Who's Lita married to? *croak*
Soldier: The king of course. You know, *Queen* Leene.
Mickey: Right. *ribbit* What was I thinking?
<Presently, the group makes it to the castle, and they enter the throne room. The king is seated in his throne.>
King: Leene, Baby! I'm so glad you're safe!
EM: *You're* the king???
King: Yes, is there a problem with that? I should have you arrested!
Lita: You don't need to do that. He's just kidding.
Mickey: I should have known. *croak* I really should have known. Geez, Lita…
Lita: <all innocent> What? I don't know what you're talking about.
EM: *snick* Hey, Lita, if he's your husband, why don't you go give him a kiss?
King: As a matter of fact… That don't sound too bad…
Lita: <quickly> Actually, I have a bit of a headache! I think I'll retire to my chamber now!
King: Oh.
Mickey: *snick* Oh, come on, Lita? What's the problem?
Lita: Shut up, you two! Er… where is my chamber, by the way?
Soldier: Marvelous joke, Your Majesty! You don't know where your own chamber is! Ha ha!
Lita: I don't know. Why don't you show me the way?
Soldier: Very funny! You should be a comedienne!
Lita: Is there a dungeon or something we can put him in?
Soldier: <as a couple of burly guards drag him away> Oh, this is great, Highness! Your best joke yet! I'm laughing on the inside!
***
<Back at the end of time, the rest of the party has just rooted around through the items, and found a revive potion. They used it on RimME2, who really was being a pain, and now she's back to regular normal everyday Rimmi.>
Tork: Ok. Glad that's done with. Now, where have Lita and Evil Mike run off to?
gramps: I don't know, but they seem to have taken that Mickey whippersnapper with them.
PM: Knowing Lita, I would think they'd go to the Middle Ages. It's the only place we haven't been yet.
Cave Rimmer: Great! And they took Spidey with them! Now how are we going to get out of here? No offense, gramps, but The End of Time is boring as hell.
gramps: None taken. Let me tell you, you only become a champion snot bubble blower through sheer boredom.
Rimmer: As fun as this particular conversation is getting, I believe I should poin out that the time portals in the other room still work. We could take one to the Middle Ages and find the others.
mg: Sure, we could. But why should we?
PM: Beats sitting around here like a bunch of losers. Let's go.
<PM, Rimmer, Cave Rimmer, Tork, gramps, and manosgirl jump into the time portal for the Middle ages. They step out into the same wooded area that Lita and her friends had landed in earlier. They are immediately attacked by a few little ugly monsters, but that's boring. Let's just skip to the part after they've left the forest, and are sitting in an inn at the nearby village.>
gramps: I just don't get it. They have a restaurant and a bar and everything, but they won't serve us any food! I just don't get it!
Cave Rimmer: Yes, we know. You've said it several times.
gramps: I know, but that's only because I just don't get it! They have a resta--
mg: Hey, look over there! Those people! Aren't they Dumbschmoe and wurwolf?
Tork: Hey, yeah! I thought we left them in the Dark Ages!
Rimmer: We did. Let's see what's going on. HEY!! GUYS!!!
<Schmoe and wurwolf walk over to the table… well, Schmoe walks. wurwolf rolls over, seated on Mickey's chair.>
Rimmer: Didn't we leave you in the Dark Ages?
Schmoe: Yes, you did. But I figured out how to travel through time. That's why I'm a guru, pretty much.
PM: You haven't seen Lita, Mickey, and Evil Mike around, have you? We have reason to believe they're in this age.
Rimmer: Yeah, we saw Spidey parked just outside the woods… that happened conveniently off-camera.
Schmoe: I believe you should look for Lita at the castle.
Tork: Really? Why is that?
Schmoe: Because I read a couple of replies up and that's where the scene was taking place.
wurwolf: *ahem!!* What he means, for continuity's sake, is that he deduced Lita's whereabouts from the fact that people of royalty like to wear a lot of nice, sparkly, expensive jewlery--
Schmoe: Especially the king of this country! *snick*
Rimmer: What does that have to do with anything?
wurwolf: Lita is attracted to shiny things.
PM: *gasp* You're right! Let's go, then!
wurwolf: See you later! Have fun!
PM: No, you're coming too! The more the merrier!
***
<Later, in the king's throne room>
PM: *You're* the king???
King: I sure am. Why do people keep asking me that today? People never used to ask me before.
Rimmer: But you're… You're *Elvis*!!!1!1!!
King: That's right, Pretty Mama. I'm Elvis Presley. The King.
<Get it??? Lita ignores all the groans in response>
PM: Oh for crying out loud--
gramps: Mr. Presley, I'm your biggest fan! In fact, I have all your commemorative plates, or at least I did until Mickey and Lita broke them…
King: Thank you, Little Buddy.
<Ok. I'll just admit it right now. I'm not good at Elvis impersonations. Not even in text, apparently.>
Tork: Tee-hee! Lita's married to The Fat Elvis!
King: What did you just call me, you hunka hunka rusted tin?
<Oh, wow… Even I'm embarrassed by that line… I deeply apologize.>
Tork: Nothing!
King: No, I heard that! You called me fat! Guards!
<The castle guards surround our party. It all looks pretty bleak, until Lita shows up in her Queen Leene outfit, which looks a whole lot like her Princess Nadia outfit.>
Lita: Wait! Stop! Let them go!
King: Do you know these people, Dear?
Lita: <In her very bestest snobby royalty voice… even using the "Royal We."> No, but We wish to talk to these individuals. Have them come up to Our chamber at their first opportunity.
King: Sure thing, Sweetie Pie.
<Lita goes back to her room>
King: You fellas heard the lady. You better go see what she wants.
***
And with that, everybody heads up to Lita's chamber, where she is already waiting with Mickey and Evil Mike. You've already read what happens next, it's PM's reply! And that concludes the continuity fix! Sorry about the length, but there was a lot of continuity that needed fixing… *PM!!!*
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is not an Elvis fan,
but seems to be married to him anyway.
Please applaud our special guest star in this reply,
Billy the Sarcastic Soldier!
(Ok, he's not really *all that* sarcastic, I realize that.
But it seemed like a good name for him,
and it's what I'm determined to call him.
Even if he never makes another appearance.)
#1915
I'm adding on to MSTBlanca's part.
Date: 01/25/2002
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<<
I need to catch up on the Chrono Trigger part, so I can write something *good* on it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<back at MSTBlanca...>
Cow: If only I could...
42: Shut up you &%*@$#!$%^& cow! *&$#@!^%$ you Nobutt!
Cow: That's it, you moooooron! We're stuck in this closet, and all you can do is say things like, "#$%^&*#@!$!@^&*$%*&$#@!!!"! We need to find a way out! Moooooooo!!! <bites 42 in the leg with his ceramic teeth>
42: *^&5$#@!^&* COW!!! <grabs Cow and proceeds to rapidly drive his head in the door, causing the door to collapse>
Cow: Moowowowowowowowowowow... hey, we're out! All thanks to me, of course!
42: YOU?! I took the punishment! I got us out, you %$#@!^&^*!
Nabut: What tha... how in Sam Hill did they get out?!
Nick & Rick: Uh-oh...
Sam Hill: I'm here, lovely people! Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaalalalalala!!!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! *wink*
42: You stupid *&^%$#@!!!! Don't you ever learn anything about what words not to use! This is about the third time already!
Sam Hill: Oh my gosh! I've lasted two sentences! *double wink*
42: Do something! He's creeping me out... <blank stares> Fine! I'll handle him! <42 picks up a trusty broken plank and briefly chases Sam Hill around the bar, until he is knocked down with it>
Sam Hill: *SMASH* Noooooooooo... <passes out>
42: Good! Now don't ever say that again, you *&^*%$#%$!
Nabut: Oh... you didn't find that Destruct-O-Ray yet, I see, heh...
gramps!
#1916
I was so scared when I saw Lita's reply.
Date: 01/25/2002
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<
I thought I had further messed up the continuity! Lucky me, I guess...
gramps!
#1917
Yeah, lucky you!
Date: 01/25/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
You must have hit that reply button like three seconds after me. It's that mind reading thing again.
Can't stay up with you, though, that was supposed to be my last post of the night! Good night!
Lita
#1918
Wow...see?
Date: 01/25/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
See See See See See See See See
If Bono didn't wear that hat today (Hey, it's still togay at MSTBlanca and in Lita's neck of the woods!), maybe he could've been King, but noooooo.....
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Post Narc x2
Hey no fair! You both snuck in while I wasn't looking. I'm losing my post narc touch.
Next up: The Lita Show!
Back to yet another hiatus3
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